Insert Interesting Title Here

Pbbbt, I was going to talk about ItsAlexClark’s latest video about COPPA. He talks about how all he wants to do is entertain people but keeps getting roadblocks thanks to YouTube changing gears all the time.

I wanted to share it because I can relate. I just want to entertain too. I work for hours preparing and editing a video only to have zero views because of the algorithm, and now because of COPPA, I get no comments, no ads, and no listing in searches. Sure, I can take a chance and have the videos listed as “not for kids;” my target audience is teens and older because the stories deal with things like bullying, prejudice, and more. But, I said they were PG, not PG-13.

Anyway, I was also going to share how in the ItsAlexClark video, he talks about how Audible is doing a challenge. If you are a Amazon Audible member and you listen to three audiobooks before Mar. 3, you get a $20 Amazon gift card. I was then going to say something about using Clark’s sponsor/affiliate link in the description so that he can further receive support. If Amazon sees that (for the sake of argument) 300 used the link, they are more inclined to continue sponsoring him, which means more money so he can entertain the masses.

But…what’s the point. I get like zero views on YouTube videos. I’m lucky if I get a like on my blog posts. What’s the point of taking the time to research, craft, and edit these posts if no one sees them?

Recently, I’ve announced on social media about my next book coming out Mar. 24 and how if people are interested in doing a review, they can get the book early for free. It’s been about a week and…nothing. I didn’t expect a massive flood, but I thought there’d at least be one person interested in reading my book before everyone else.

I also considered sharing a GoFundMe link for a family member of mine because 2019 was rough (so was 2018). It really didn’t help any that I needed to have a root canal at the beginning of the year. Of course, it was the one tooth my insurance didn’t cover. I went to my church for help–one that my family has been playing into for generations upon generations (most of the time like hundreds of dollars a month per individual). After some feet dragging, complaining, and a message from my doctor threatening to send the bill to a collection agency, I got the help. This, of course, made me want to share SystemZee’s latest livestream because he talked about needing a root canal; he mentions how people can help support his channel so he can afford the procedure. It isn’t the root canal that’s painful; it’s the bill.

*I was going to link the actual video, but he doesn’t always archive his livestreams for some reason. Instead try his fiancée’s livestream on Mixer if you want (choose the Fighting the Dragon w/Patreons video)*

The feet dragging during the root canal was no big surprise. When I was a Boy Scout, we had camping trips. During the planning stage, the scouts would argue over which car I went in, not because they wanted me in the car, but because the thought of me being in the same building as them seemed to turn their stomachs. When it came time to talk about tent assignments, they had the person who didn’t show up for the meeting bunk with me. “That’ll teach him to miss a meeting,” the scouts would say.

If there was no one who missed the meeting, I got to sleep by myself. I usually got the area 20 yards away. One trip, even though my area was off from the others, somehow my sleeping bag got burn marks–the kind you see from purposeful burning.

School wasn’t much better. I got tripped, bottles thrown at me, hit with blocks of wood or thick cable wire or books. They would fart in my face. If I sat down on a bench, everyone would jump up with a scream and “fall down” as if my weight caused them to be catapulted into the air. And, of course, dodgeball was a joy. It wasn’t because everyone targeted me; no, it was because no one would target me. I could stand perfectly still and no one would came after me. Even if I was the last person standing, they would refuse to target me. Eventually, I would just say, “Oh, darn, I’m on,” and walk away.

You’re probably thinking, “Why not tell a teacher or leader?” I did. They told me to stop lying. Or they told me “no one likes a tattletale.” One time they said I needed professional help to cure my “imagination.” The adults would say, “They would never do that. They’re good people.” Even if it was done right in front of them, they would still side with the bullies over me.

Recently, Jazza did a video showcasing another YouTuber called Haddy the Creator. In it, Haddy drew Pokèmon as monsters. Thanks to Jazza’s video, Haddy’s channel went from about 500 subscribers to 7,000 like overnight. The problem is how many will actually stay? I have 1.3k followers on Twitter, but I rarely get anything over a like. Sometimes I get some retweets. It doesn’t feel good when you have a large number of subs or followers and yet no one answers your polls or comments or watches your videos.

A few years ago, at church, people started being nice to me out of nowhere. They started inviting me to sit with them or join their group. I thought, “Finally! I must have broken through the imaginary wall!” It felt good to be appreciated and welcomed. But, then I found out that there was some kind of project going around. People were assigned to focus those the council decided weren’t active enough. At first, I thought this might be coincidence. That changed when the month ended and new assignments were giving. Immediately, they all went back to ignoring me and treating me like I had a disease.

So, I hope the people who followed Haddy actually like his stuff and did not subscribe just because some “famous” person suggested it. I have to agree with NoahElowyn’s post about telling someone their cover (writing, drawing, song, etc) is good when it really isn’t. You can be supportive and say it has potential, but also let them know what isn’t good about it so that they can improve. You shouldn’t say like my art teacher back in third grade that it sucks and I can do anything right. You give the person constructive criticism. “I liked X, but Y could be better, but I also liked Z.” For every negative thing, you need to tell two positives. Not telling someone the bad stuff hurts them more than helps. The person thinks they’re doing great when they really aren’t and then they get upset because they have 1.3k followers but no one looks at their stuff!!

I was planning on doing a drawing of the video game character Kirby becoming a monster and then showing it off while saying I got the inspiration for it from Haddy the Creator. I wanted to share his video. His monster Pokèmon was well detailed and ugly but his normal Pokèmon were a little rushed. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t think his art is bad. If he continues and gets support, it’ll just get better.

So, I wanted to share what I thought was a good drawing, but I feel like what is the point. No one seems to look at my Instagram account. Now and then I get some likes but it just feels like they’re doing it just to be like “oh, it’s good” but it really isn’t. No one comments. I take the time to comment when I can on their stuff. What’s the problem?

And that brings up another issue. Everyone sure loved having me around when it benefited them, but I ask for help and they take off. I got a phone call one day from a church leader. They said they missed me at church. I was like, “Wow, really? Thanks.” Maybe they do care. He then said, “Yeah, we need you for our statistics.” Needless to say, I didn’t feel like going to church the next few weeks. They freak out when one of the “chosen ones” miss an hour but I miss six months and they can’t even say, “hi.”

It’s been stressful lately.

Number Dependent | Infinity Train

May contain spoilers for Book 2 of Infinity Train

One of the main staples of the Infinity Train show on Cartoon Network is the glowing number on the passenger’s hand. In the show, the number represents the person’s progression. The higher the number the further they are to leaving/solving their problem or shortcoming. As the passenger learns, the number goes down.

While watching the series, I thought that’d be nice if we had numbers in real life. Something to let us know that we are being stupid. Just like in the show, we could also identify creeps/bad people by how high their number is. But, then I realized we’d act similar to the characters in the show. When Jesse has to kick a toad to escape one train car, he keeps checking his number. When he is about to kick it, his number goes up. When he stops, it goes down.

I could see people depending too much on their number. They would do things not because they were the right thing but so they can lower their number. We’d also start consulting the number for every choice. “Should I wear my blue shorts today? Oh, my number went up, so I’ll wear something else.”

So it’s probably a good thing we just have our conscience to tell us when we’re being stupid. If it was something more physical or blunt, we’d pass the blame on to it. “I did it because my number went down.”

Until next wormhole…thanks for reading.


Who Pranked JR releases March 24. You can preorder it from many online retailers.

How to Kill a Zombie with a Spoon

MarcusCVance ‬on Twitter started a thread about killing a zombie with a nearby weapon. ‪NoahElowyn ‬responded by saying cereal or soup. I made the joke about knowing 41 ways to kill a zombie with a spoon. NoahElowyn responded with a request to for me to list them all. I started by replying on Twitter but soon realized that would end in way too many Tweets and I didn’t want to spam anyone’s account. (sorry about the bad editing: I only had about 30 minutes to do this in)

Here you go:

  1. eye stab
  2. brain scoop
  3. forehead flick/tap/smash
  4. launch a rock between the eyes
  5. spoonful of poisoned brain
  6. hang spoon on nose make them laugh to death
  7. use spoon to play “Thriller” on your knees
  8. fake fetch throw into a pit (zombies aren’t smart)
  9. taser spoon (make sure you wear rubber gloves
  10. get them to stick spoon in light socket
  11. flick vulture chow on them
  12. hand spoon to zombie, tell werewolf that the zombie wanted to attack it with the silver spoon
  13. ice cream brain freeze
  14. use spoon to dig a hole (desperate times…)
  15. number 15 was redacted by the government
  16. pretend to be a doctor, tell them to open wide, shove spoon down throat
  17. saw (takes a lot of time)
  18. place spoons at top of stairs, let zombie trip on them
  19. spoon sword fight
  20. spy spoon that is really a laser
  21. have them collect limited edition spoons and hide the last so that their collection is never complete
  22. magnetized spoon in a room of sharp objects
  23. use the spoon force, luke (aka spoon bending)
  24. entertain them with spoon magic
  25. highly complicated deathtrap involving spoons, twine, and shaving cream
  26. make them listen to a 3 hr lecture on the history of spoons
  27. spoon machine gun
  28. fancy dinner party but the main course is another set of zombies
  29. tell them it’s a legendary weapon in an IRL zombie battle royale game
  30. get them to believe the spoon is a god that demands zombie sacrifice
  31. puppet show (you don’t wanna know)
  32. colonoscopy (you really don’t wanna know)
  33. drop the spoon, ask them to pick it up, when they look down attack
  34. really hot spoon
  35. confuse them with that spoon line from The Matrix
  36. start a line of designer spoon accessories and charge too much
  37. when there is a zombie group, point to one and say they’ve won the zombie Oscars and present them with the spoon, the other zombies will soon get jealous
  38. use spoon to drip acid on them
  39. use spoon to reflect a bright light at them and let them wander into traffic
  40. tell him the spoon is a symbol of their friendship then a month later betray him by making out with his girlfriend, he’ll die from a broken heart or kill himself with the spoon
  41. make them come up with a list of how to kill a zombie with spoons then follow it

Until the next wormhole…. thanks for reading.

School Wars: A Star Wars Parody

I just couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry.

ON SCREEN TEXT: Not long ago, in a school district nearby…

A dramatic sting plays.

ON SCREEN TEXT: School Wars

Rousing adventure music plays.

ON SCREEN TEXT: Day 14: A New Arrival

Young substitute teacher, Jake Applegate, arrives at FDR Elementary School. He believes it’ll be another standard day, but he learns he has a far greater destiny…

INT. TEACHER’S LOUNGE, DAY

JAKE APPLEGATE, a substitute teacher, takes a moment to drink some coffee. Suddenly, he hears the sound of squeaking wheels. He faces the door. Standing in the doorway is the infamous and powerful AUDIO VICTOR. The squeaking sound came from his AV cart.

AUDIO VICTOR:

It is time. Time to take you to The Principal. He will finish your training.

JAKE:

I’ve heard of you from the students. You’ll never turn me.

AUDIO VICTOR:

If you only knew the power of the pop quiz.

JAKE:

I’ll never join your ranks.

AUDIO VICTOR:

Yes, you will. I am your teaching assistant.

JAKE:

No! It isn’t true!

AUDIO VICTOR:

You know it to be true. Search your lesson plan.

EXT. PLAYGROUND WASTELANDS, DAY

Jake manages to escape the clutches of Audio Victor, but soon finds himself lost among the deserted lands of the playground wastelands. Not long into his journey he encounters a band of traveling trading card enthusiasts. The fans have made debate student CAL PLOTZ III and gamer RUDY2KNIGHT their slaves. Jake challenges the trading card players. If he wins, the students go free; if he loses, he joins their slave ranks. Fortunately, Jake wins easily. Soon after the match, Jake learns that Rudy2Knight has a message for SUPERINTENDENT JONES from CLASS PRESIDENT LACY. The message accidentally plays when Rudy2Knight sits down and butt dials it.

LACY:

Help me, Superintendent Jones, you’re my only hope.

JAKE:

I don’t know any Superintendent Jones. I do know a Janitor Jones–maybe they’re related.

INT. COMMAND CENTER, DAY

Lacy, soon after texting her message to Rudy2Knight, is captured by Audio Victor. She is then taken to the command center of The Principal’s secret playground base. FIRST TEACHER’S PET HENRY, commander of the Administration’s army of Halltroopers, interrogates her.

HENRY:

Tell us the location of the Class Disruptors’ base or we will use the full power of this battle fort. The Gold Star has the power to fail the entirety of Miss Smith’s third grade class.

LACY:

You can’t!

HENRY:

Watch us.

LACY:

(Sighs) They’re in room one-eighteen.

HENRY:

Excellent. (to Gold Star operators) Target Miss Smith’s class.

LACY:

No! You promised!

HENRY:

You are far too trusting, Class President.

INT. JANITOR’S CLOSET, DAY

JANITOR JONES has rescued Jake, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III from the Cool Kids–the heroes inadvertently crossed into their territory. After Rudy2Knight plays the message, Jones reveals that he is Superintendent Jones and was once part of the EDUCATOR ORDER and served as part of the SCHOOL BOARD until the night The Principal attacked.

JONES:

The Educators were once a force for peace and learning. Now, we are nearly extinct. (Jones hands Jake a small device. Jake activates it. A large, glowing ruler appears.) It is called a foam ruler, a tool used by the Educators. It is more elagent and less random than a spitball blaster. This one belonged to your TA until he was destroyed by the dark side of The Curriculum.

INT. HALLWAYS OF FDR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, DAY

Jones, Jake, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III are in need of transport if they wish to aid Class President Lacy. They figure their best option is the quad area. On their way they are stopped by Halltroopers.

TROOPER 1:

We’re looking for a couple of fugitive dweebs. We need to see your hall passes.

JONES:

You don’t need to see our hall passes. These are not the dweebs you are looking for.

TROOPER 1 (addressing the other Halltroopers):

We don’t need to see their hall passes. These aren’t the dweebs we are looking for. Move along.

JAKE (in shock):

How did you do that?

JONES:

Old Educator mind trick. (smiles) The more you are in tune with the Curriculum the less students question you.

INT. STUDENT QUAD AREA

The quad area, a fun-loving nest of cliques and gossip, is filled with variety of people. A band plays music while some check their social media feeds. Jake and Jones will find sutable aid here. Unfortunately, dweebs such as Cal Plotz III and Rudy2Knight are not allowed and they must wait nearby. Jones and Jake soon meet SAM SOLOACT, a class clown, and his friend MEATHEAD, a football jock.

JONES:

Is your transport fast?

SAM:

Fast? Listen, pal, my vehicle can make the science to gym passing period in a minute thirty-one.

A deal is struck between the two parties. Sam and Meathead remain while Jones and Jake leave to make preparations.

SAM:

This is great, Meat! With this charter, we can finally pay off Bubba the Bully.

MEATHEAD:

Blue 22!

Sam’s victory is short lived as the snitch GLEN arrives to collect the bounty on Sam’s head: 20 jawbreakers. Luckily, Sam dispatches Glen with a well placed spitball from his blaster.

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT, DAY

Jones, Jake, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III meet up with Sam and Meathead. Sam introduces the group to his golf cart known as the Eon Hawk. The heroes begin boarding but are soon caught by Bubba’s snitches. Sam turns the key to the golf cart as the snitches pelt it with rocks and spitballs from their slingshots.

MEATHEAD:

Hike! Hike!

SAM:

I know, Meat, I’ll fix the engine tomorrow!

Finally, the golf cart turns over and the heroes flee. The speed of the golf cart is too much for the snitches and they break off their attack.

EXT. PLAYGROUND, DAY

The Eon Hawk escapes the clutches of Bubba the Bully but encounters a group of weeping students. The students of Miss Smith’s class mummer things like, “My parents are going to kill me.” The heroes are confused by the sight.

SAM:

We’ll head for that jungle gym and regroup.

JONES:

That’s no jungle gym.

It is the Gold Star. A large piece of playground equipment meant to look like a jungle gym but more solid and mobile.

SAM:

I bet that’s where we’ll find the class president.

INT. GOLD STAR, DAY

Jake, Sam, Meathead, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III are able to save Class President Lacy from Detention thanks to Jones deactivating the security features. The group makes their way to the Eon Hawk. Meanwhile, Jones encounters Audio Victor. The two activate their foam rulers and begin their duel. Soon the duel leads them to where the Eon Hawk is parked and to the band of heroes.

AUDIO VICTOR:

You have no hope of defeating me, Old Man.

JONES:

If you flunk me, I will only rise smarter than you can imagine.

Jake moves to help Jones. Jones signals Jake not to interfere. Jones is slapped on the wrists with the ruler.

JAKE:

NOOO! JONES!

Sam and Meathead pull Jake away.

EXT. PLAYGROUND, DAY

After escaping the Gold Star, the heroes are chased by a squad of food fighters. To escape they have no choice but to cross the blacktop where a game of dodgeball is underway.

CAL:

The odds of successfully maneuvering a dodgeball field are one in a million.

SAM:

Never tell me the odds, dweeb. Punch it, Meat!

INT. ROOM 1C, THE CLASS DISRUPTORS’ BASE, DAY

The heroes meet up with the Class Disruptors. Thanks to the rest of the text message on Rudy2Knight’s phone, the Disruptors are able to learn of a weakness in the Gold Star.

DISRUPTOR LEADER:

A single gumball missile into the vent system will destroy the super-weapon.

SAM:

That’s a suicide mission. The vent opening is too small for someone to hit.

The heroes prepare their assault. They prep their slingshot mop buckets, their Segways, scooters, and skateboards. They arm themselves with gumball missiles, slingshot rubber bands, and spitballs. Moments later, the Disruptors learn that the Administration discovered Lacy’s lie about the base’s location and tracked the Eon Hawk to Room 1C. The Gold Star was almost visible from the classroom windows.

EXT. GOLD STAR, DAY

The battle is tougher than expected. Anyone who tries to fire on the vents fails or is nailed with detention slips. Only Jake is left without marks on his permanent record. It pays to be a teacher. Jake makes his run on the Gold Star vent.

JONES (ghostly VO via a video message):

Use the chalk, Jake.

DISRUPTOR PILOT:

Is something wrong, Jake? You’ve turned off the targeting app on your smartphone.

Jake uses a slingshot to launch a piece of chalk into the Gold Star’s ventilation system. The chalk breaks apart sending a cloud of dust throughout the Gold Star. The Halltroopers and Teacher’s Pets choke on the dust. One Halltrooper stumbles and accidentally presses the self-destruct button. The Gold Star is destroyed in a burst of confetti and whipped cream.

INT. MIKE’S MALT SHOP, NIGHT

The Class Disruptors celebrate their victory. It is ice cream, malts, and banana splits all around.

END.

Whew, that was a long one. Hope you enjoyed it.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!


My books are for sale at many online retailers. Or you can help support me by buying me a metaphorical coffee at Ko-fi.

Happy Hindsight

With everyone making jokes about 2020 and hindsight, I thought about how weird it’d be if everyone experienced hindsight–that everyone had a vision of what was going to happen next year. When the ball fell (or whatever you do at New Year’s Eve), people saw what was going to happen from Jan. 1 to Dec. 31 (assuming we didn’t have information overload).

First, it reminded me of that show awhile back that I can’t remember the name of (it was like Flashback or Flashforward or something like that). Anyway, everyone passes out and experiences six months into the future. The show then focuses on the consequences: some try to stop the future, some try to figure out what happened, some believe there is no way to fight the future so why bother.

I could see a similar fallout if out of nowhere people saw the next year. There would be people who decide they want to change what they saw, and that change would change other people’s futures. There would be those who’d believe that the future is set and become depressed or go wild saying that there are no consequences. There’d be those who try to figure out what happened. I could see groups starting up: one that tries to prevent future events and another trying to make sure that they happen.

It’s kind of like that question of if you could know the day of your death would you want to. At first, I thought it’d be nice to know how the next year would work out, but then I thought about it and realized…NOPE.

But, I do wonder how long it’ll be before there is a movie or TV show that has this hindsight plot. Maybe it isn’t everyone who sees the future, maybe it’s just one or a few people.

Guess we’ll just have to wait.

Any plans for New Year’s Eve? Do you have any resolutions? Let me know in the comments below.

Until the next wormhole…happy new year and thanks for reading.

Fortnite Rambling

With everyone doing those “best of the year” blogs, vlogs, tweets, and so on, I figured I might as well do a post about some of the best things I came across in Fortnite. It’s not going to be long since I’ve only been playing it for like four months.

Note: These are not in order of importance or any such thing.

I might as well start with Winterfest. As I said, this is the first Winterfest (Fourteen Days of Fortnite) I’ve dealt with, but from what I’ve heard from others, it has been a good event. First, Epic Games gave everyone two free skins–according to others, they’ve never done that.

Then there was the introduction to dynamic weather. Every ten minutes or so, a snowstorm hits the map; and depending on the strength, it can make it impossible to see anything. I liked this addition and hope they’ll do more weather events; it made the game even more suspenseful.

The last part of Winterfest I wanted to mention was the XP fireplace. In the Winterfest lodge you can stand by the fire and gain random bits of XP. You can get 10, 20, or 1,000. I’ve heard rumors of 5,000. It’s also nice to just sit back, relax, drink some hot chocolate, and watch the fire.

The next item on the list is the Star Wars event. It was awesome to see a special scene from The Rise of Skywalker. The Whisper glider is also nice.

Of course, I have to mention the lightsabers. It is so fun grabbing a lightsaber and chasing down a foe. I like that you can block with it (kind of wish this was a standard feature–I suppose building the walls is a way of blocking).

I like how the lightsabers are powerful but not OP. You can’t use them in the water–found that out the hard way–and while they are cool to look at in the night/snowstorm, it also announces your location to everyone. Also, if people know you have a lightsaber, they’ll come after you in force trying to take it away. Finally, you have to get in close. It is not a range weapon, which can be difficult and dangerous at times.

But on the plus side, you can do an awesome combat/dodge roll. And did I mention the ability to block?

Next on the list deals with two challenges. One was to make it into the top 5 for Squads while the other was make it into the top 10 for Solo–not once, but three times for each mode. I figured that would never happen. But, I managed to; and it was stressful. The whole time I just knew someone was going to eliminate me when I was at 11.

I managed to do it by staying out of the named landmarks and away from places used in challenges; I avoided people as much as I could. I also stuck as close to the edge of the storm as I could–people tend to stay away from it. I also made use of the hiding spots, like the porta potty. My controller was almost completely covered in sweat by the time I was done.

Some of the best moments, however, were not part of a challenge or event. At one point, I lingered outside the safety circle too long and got caught in the storm. I had to run a good portion of the map in the storm, but I managed to escape with one point of health remaining thanks to having tons of bandages.

Another time, I learned that you can get umbrella gliders. I kept trying to get one for months and finally did. Why would I care? Simple. So, I could say, “I’m Mary Poppins, yo!” Ah, it’s the simple things in life.

Do you have any favorite moments from 2019? It doesn’t have to be gaming related. Let me know in the comments below.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading and have a great year.

Bizarre Batteries

I went to turn on my TV, but it wouldn’t. I thought, “Time to change the batteries.” I removed the back; the batteries had exploded. The whole compartment was covered in dry battery chemicals. It was so bad I could barely get the batteries out.

I finally removed the batteries and went to retrieve replacement ones. When I got to the box, I found that all those batteries had leaked too.

What are the chances that all my batteries would leak at the same time?

It was as if some villain broke in and used an energy weapon to cause all my batteries to break.

Sigh. At least I got a plot for a story from all this. Now, I just have to figure out why someone would use a doomsday weapon to make people’s batteries explode. Maybe I can mix in the news about North Korea announcing a “Christmas gift.” Or maybe something about some villain destroying batteries so children’s Christmas toys wouldn’t work. Is it too early to start planning for next year’s Christmas special?

Do you have any weird stories? Not necessarily paranormal, just…strange. Let me know in the comments section.

Until next wormhole…thanks for reading.