Shedding Problem | Dogboy Chronicles Short Tail

Dogboy Chronicles is now available in paperback through Amazon!


I sighed. The Doghouse couch creaked slightly from my shift in weight. “Too many adventures, not enough time. I have hero duties, schoolwork, chores, and I’d like to have something that resembles a social life.” I scratched Bandit behind the ears then sighed again.

“Hiya,” said a voice.

I jumped out of my seat. “Zak?! What are you doing here? Didn’t we like…merge into one person?”

The teen ran his fingers through his white hair. “Yeah. So, how can I say this delicately?…You’re shedding.”

“What?!”

“It’s all right,” said the two-years-younger-than-me-parallel-counterpart. “Dogs do it all the time. And you’re half dog.”

“But they don’t shed a whole other being,” I said trying not to speak too anxiously.

He tilted his head in a goofy way. “Are you sure? Have you ever cleaned up after a shedding dog?”

I glanced down at Bandit, who was still sitting on the couch. “You have a point. With all the fur I collected from Bandit just yesterday, I could build another dog.”

Hey! said Bandit telepathically. It’s a medical condition!

Zak held his hands straight out to me. “There you go! You wanted some help…here I am. The others and I can drop in and help you with missions, chores, and other things.” He pretend to nudge me with his elbow; he winked. “I’m sure there are other Shards that’d love to go on a date with Sally.”

I rubbed my chin in thought. “Hmm…”

Bandit rolled his eyes. Oh yeah, this’ll end well.

Copyright Joe Rover 2021. All rights reserved.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading! 

Rage-Appropriate Activities | A Short Tail

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“Hello, I am Dr. Tony Slick. We all get depressed, frustrated, and lonely. The world is constantly trying to bring us down. Anger is a natural emotion. That is why I created Rage Against the Machine.

“Rage Against the Machine is a simulated landscape where you can do as you please. You can destroy anything with no lasting consequences. You can smash beds, wreck cars, or blow up mailboxes.

“The simulation also comes with robots equipped with holographic rendering. These robot doubles can look like anyone allowing you to fulfill your wildest dreams of mayhem against your boss, ex, or in-law.”

A large, spiked baseball bat appeared in Dr. Slick’s hand via a series of digital hexagons. “Remember, I’m not just the president…I’m also a client.”

He went on a rampage destroying everything in sight with his baseball bat.

As he slugged a mailbox, an announcer spoke. “Rage Against the Machine is not responsible for any action taken outside the simulation.”

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright Joe Rover 2021. All rights reserved.

Don’t Look a Gift Child in the Mouth | A Short Tail

Everyday Gift Child is forging new ways for you, our most valued customers, to receive the child of your dreams. 

Founded in 1879, Gift Child has been at the forefront of child procurement.

No task has been too great for us.

Did your neighbor’s child catch your eye? No problem. We’ll bring them to you in a matter of days. 

Need to transport a child across the border? Not an issue for Gift Child. We have agents all over the world.

Is your new child unruly? Always complaining about wanting to return to their “real” family? We have many available brainwashing techniques.

***

A man steps forward as the presentation ends. He clears his throat. “That was the past,” he says. “This is the future.” 

Video plays of DNA strands. The man continues. “We can now provide you with the perfect child thanks to genetic modification. Gone are the days of child abductions, trafficking, and brainwashing.”

The man paces the stage as images of random happy, smiling children appear on the screen. “We can now create the child you’ve always dreamed of. He, she, it, or they can be created any way you want. Perfect hair, perfect health, perfect personality.”

The man stops. New images of happy families replace the previous images. “The sky is literally the limit. A child that is athletic, artistic, or even more animal than human is right around the corner. The happiness of the customer is all that matters.”

The screen and stage go dark. A new voice says, “Gift Child, a subsidiary of Dark Net Unlimited, we breed children so you don’t have to.”

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright Joe Rover 2021. All rights reserved.


B&N/Nook readers

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Milk | A Short Tail

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Milk. It’s been a loyal companion for centuries. We like how it makes us look. We like its mustache. We like asking if someone has any. We like how it helps us find those who are lost. 

But now, milk is in danger thanks to BLISS. Unlike BLISS, milk strengthens bones. Milk is healthy. Milk goes great on cereal. Milk has no side effects (unless you’re lactose intolerant). Milk is available at any store instead of some dirty back alley.

Next time you need a cool drink or help finding a lost child, think milk…the only true bliss.

Until next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright 2021 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.

The Internet Fairy | A Short Tail

Is your Internet running on potatoes? Does it seem like a hamster could power it better?

Come down to the Internet Fairy. Our full staff of fairies are waiting to transform your pumpkin of an Internet into a carriage fit for a princess.

That’s the Internet Fairy located at the corner of Elm and Blockwood.

Please remember to bring the appropriate honey and crackers as payment for services.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.

Copyright 2021 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.


Dogboy Chronicles is now available in paperback through Amazon!

The Terror of Night Dad | Halloween Special

Vincent Tyler wanted nothing more than to be a father. Except he couldn’t have children. His grief, and possible madness, became so strong that one day he unlocked superpowers. He delve even further into madness by deciding to use those talents to protect the innocent. Vincent Tyler would remain a accountant during the day; but at night, he would transform into the terror of the underworld, Night Dad.

As Night Dad, Vincent possessed the power to persuade the guilty to do as he wanted by using his “dad voice.” He also knew how to embarrass a criminal and share this weakness with all present. His last talent is the ability to inflict pain through his cringey “dad jokes.”

Night Dad stalks the shadows in his white shirt and green sweater vest. So, be on the look out for his Number One Dad hat and listen for the soft whipping noise of his blue tie blowing in the wind. If he catches you…he’ll remove his belt and…

“WHACK!!”

The villains jerked back in fear and gasped in terror.

The storyteller’s eyes took in the sight of the gathered fearful fiends with morbid glee. General Destruction chuckled to himself.

Rat Fink nervously thumbed his fingers; sweat dripped down his long nose and into his whiskers. The whiskers bobbed up and down as the sweat fell off and down to the floor. “Has this guy never heard of adoption?”

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.

Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.


The adventures continue in the Dogboy Universe

You ready for more sci-fi stories? Hungry for some fantasy? Longing for adventure? Consider purchasing a Joe Rover book today!

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Soul Evidence

The following was retrieved from archived news reports.

On Sept. 17 [REDACTED], shortly after the Dark Matter Victory (or DMV), Dr. Irma Kidding was the first scientist to successfully prove the existence of a soul. 

Akin to studying black holes, Kidding studied the effects a soul had on the world around it. Her research was verified through many repeat experiments done by various scientists. Soon after, the soul became a scientific fact. 

Three months later, her then assistant, Dr. Ivan Thunderclap, announced that the soul is the most powerful and abundant fuel source in existence.

Thunderclap later announced plans to create a machine that would harvest the afterlife for soul energy. 

“We’ve been looking for alternative fuel sources for generations. Now we have a never-ending one…everything dies,” stated Thunderclap.

When asked about the harm or moral implications harvesting the afterlife could cause, Thunderclap reported, “What do I care? The living needs this [power] more than the spirits. They’re dead after all. The dead have been taking up space in Paradise for far too long. Finally, they can be a use to us.”

Sadly three days after his announcement, Thunderclap’s laboratory was reportedly struck by lightning. He and all his research were destroyed in the blaze. Miraculously, the neighboring offices were left unharmed.

After Thunderclap’s demise, the scientific community decided that further research into souls would be banned. When asked the reason behind such a decision Dr. Harry Ion, chairman for the International Association of Scientists, stated, “We’re scientists, not idiots. We can take a hint…eventually.”

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.

This post was a work of fiction.


The adventures continue in the Dogboy Universe

You ready for more sci-fi stories? Hungry for some fantasy? Longing for adventure? Consider purchasing a Joe Rover book today!

The books are available at many online retailers; click below to find out where. Or, follow me on Amazon to receive updates of book releases.

Q&A: What’s with the Costumes

Time to answer some questions that you probably didn’t even ask!

What’s with the costumes? Why do superheroes wear those skintight, often colorful, costumes?

Some might say that they are similar to costumes worn by circus performers. Hmm, maybe. But, the reason is because they are a physical representation of a person’s chi/aura (aka psychic fingerprint). Much like some tribes would paint/tattoo people with symbols that represented their ancestors or spirit guide. The costume is like a second skin allowing the hero closer access to the phantasmic energy that powers their talents. Much like removing your shoes on holy ground–it removes barriers between you and the divine. I’d rather wear a colorful uniform than have to run around naked.

Also, it allows for things like going invisible without having to de-robe. Or growing in size without ripping your clothes.

Psychic fingerprint?

Our bodies produce electrical currents through chemical reactions and molecule vibration; these currents are determined by genetic makeup, blood flow, personality, and more, so each person’s is different–like a fingerprint. The colors are dependent on characteristics and speed of energy flow. For instance, a cheerful person and a melancholy person could have the same base color, like red, but the cheerful person will have a brighter shade of red while the melancholy person’s will be a darker red. 

Everything (not just transbeings or living beings) has a psychic fingerprint/chi because everything is made of vibrating molecules. The symbol/emblem on a hero’s chest is a representation of their “true name.” Everyone and everything has a similar symbol, you just can’t see it because they don’t go around wearing it. Now don’t go thinking that because you know their true name you can control them–like in some fantasy stories. It just allows you to communicate with the person/thing. Much like in physical life. It’s part of why using a hero’s name while crying for help…uh, helps them hear you; just as saying someone’s name in normal life gets the attention of the person you are speaking too. But it is a deeper connection, kind of like telepathy.

That is how things like telekinesis works. You aren’t commanding the mountain to move; you are asking the mountain to move and it responds because it trusts you. People with plant manipulation talents aren’t forcing the flower to bloom but rather encouraging it to bloom. Just as you can ask someone to help you with the dishes, but you can’t force them to do the dishes. They chose to help you because they care about you or scared of the consequences. Here is the difference between light and dark talents/”magic.” Are you asking the water to hold you up so you can walk on it or are you forcing it into compliance?

Why do some heroes wear capes, some don’t, and some wear jackets/longer garments?

Some transbeings (villains wear capes too) are so strong that their phantasmic energy…”leaks.” Their power is so great that it comes out their backs or stretches along their sides like a jacket or robe. This is why angels are usually depicted with wings. They don’t actually have wings but their phantasmic power is so great that the energy leaks out their backs and looks like wings. So, when it comes time for the costume (which is a representation of a person’s chi) to be made…we get capes, jackets, or fancy robes. 

Why do transbeings sometimes call out their attacks?

Part of it goes back to the “asking the mountain to move” that I mentioned earlier. You are asking the air to heat up or the lightning to strike. The other part is focus and strength. When you need to lift something heavy, you use more muscles, but how to you use more muscles when something is metaphysical? Answer: emotions. Emotions are mental/spiritual muscles. So, you can add more omph to your talent by calling it out. It is the same reason why martial artists will grunt when they strike or block; they are adding more power behind their act. *Most of the time transbeings can just think their attack or wave a hand because what they are doing is within their limits.*

What’s with wearing your underwear on the outside?

First, it’s not underwear; it’s armor. It used to be just part of the tights in order to show appearance/color variation, but now it’s armor. Second, um, I’ll just leave it at “sports cup” and you can figure it out. I mean, we are in battle with villains.

Any other questions? Ask them in the comments below.

Until next wormhole…thanks for reading!

What Next

A few minutes ago, I spotted a news article about a robotic “dog” that was herding sheep. Don’t tell Bandit, my dog/sidekick, he won’t take the news–

BANDIT (Translated from Dog for your convenience):
Did you see this?! Now the robots are taking over our herding jobs! First, they take over the sidekick work...I can't tell you the number of Supers that are using robo-dogs as companions! Now, they're taking over the herding jobs! What's next?! Witches with robotic familiars!? (growls) That's it! I'm out of here!

JOE (Me):
Where you going?

BANDIT:
I'm going out! I've got to find a mail carrier to bite before they take that job too!

(Door slams)

I knew he wouldn’t take it well.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright Joe Rover 2020. All rights reserved.


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Sky Hog

A couple days ago, Buddy (aka Copycat) told me how he ran into some trouble when he was out for a flight over the city. He was enjoying the feel of the air and listening to the soft wiping of his black cape as it moved through the air. For a few moments he could forget all his troubles.

And then something speed by him nearly knocking into him. He hit a pocket of turbulence as he tried to right himself. Finally, he regained his footing as it were. 

“Sky hog!” he shouted at the offender.

The offender slowed and faced Copycat. It was a pig with wings. Copycat gasped in surprise before it snorted a piggy grunt and flew off towards the skyscrapers.

Once Buddy finished his tale, I rested my hand on his shoulder in a show of support. “Yeah…Those atmos pigs think they’re so grand just because they’ve got an adynaton. But, it’s Heck’s Oinkers you’ve really got to watch out for.” 

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.


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