Superhero Yoga | Dogboy Chronicles Short Tail

The Clubhouse, the base of the International League of Super-Transbeings located on Freedom Isle…

A group of heroes milled around chatting. I stood between Glop and Turbo waiting for the class to begin.

Boo-whip!

The hologram of the instructor appeared before us. He wore a brightly colored unitard with a headband and leg warmers. His hair poked over the edges of the headband.

“Alright, heroes,” he said in a voice that should only be reserved for fitness instructors and car salespeople, “let’s begin today’s hero yoga poses. I hope everyone remembered to warm-up before class.”

I doubted anyone warmed-up; my suspicions were confirmed by the amount of muttering, whistling, and loss of eye contact.

“First,” said the instructor, “the landing pose.”

We all got low with one leg out and one fist on the ground. We held our other arm straight up.

“Now, the explosion power walk.”

We puffed out our chests, raised our heads, and walked in place slowly.

“Remember not to look back at the explosion,” said the fitness instructor. “Next, the up, up, and away.”

We held one arm skyward, bent the opposite leg up towards our chest, and rested the corresponding arm next to it with our fists clenched. We looked skyward.

“Excellent. The classic.”

We stood straight and put our hands on our hips.

“The team power pose.”

Glop and I flanked Turbo. He stood stiff with his arms stretched but slightly away form his legs. Glop and I stood with our backs to him; we raised one arm and one leg trying to make ourselves look like lightning bolts.

“The epic crossover team up,” said the instructor.

Everyone in the class stood in a circle back to back. We made various poses as the camera (aka the instructor) moved around us in a circle.

“Tighten up your stomach, Ripper,” said the instructor. The young hero sucked in his gut.

The hologram returned to his position at the front of the class. “The reveal.”

We pretended to rip open our shirts. We puffed out our chests and arched our backs.

“Powerful action pose.”

We threw a hook punch like we were hitting a villain’s face; but instead of relaxing, we held the pose.

“Heroes together.”

As one, we punched the sky with a heroic, “YEAH!”

“Victory pose,” said the instructor. 

We placed one hand on our hip then flexed the other arm and smiled for the camera.

“And finally, the Easter egg.”

We pretended to hold a car over our heads and smash the front bumper into a boulder.

The instructor clapped overly enthusiastically as the class relaxed. “Excellent work today, everyone! Don’t forget to practice your poses at home. We’ve got to stay fit for our battle against evil. See you all Thursday!”

The instructor hologram vanished with another boo-whip; the students immediately started chatting again.

Copyright Joe Rover 2021. All rights reserved.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

The Adventures Continue in the Dogboy Universe!

Action, adventure, and sci-fi fantasy await within the pages of the Dogboy Chronicles.

Join Joe Rover and his friends as they protect their hometown from the forces of evil…and the forces of daily life.

Click below to find a store or follow me on Amazon for book updates.

Rage-Appropriate Activities | A Short Tail

B&N/Nook readers

Use the coupon BNPSAINTPAT50 to save 50% at checkout from 03/15/2021 to 03/19/2021 on Dragon Reign


“Hello, I am Dr. Tony Slick. We all get depressed, frustrated, and lonely. The world is constantly trying to bring us down. Anger is a natural emotion. That is why I created Rage Against the Machine.

“Rage Against the Machine is a simulated landscape where you can do as you please. You can destroy anything with no lasting consequences. You can smash beds, wreck cars, or blow up mailboxes.

“The simulation also comes with robots equipped with holographic rendering. These robot doubles can look like anyone allowing you to fulfill your wildest dreams of mayhem against your boss, ex, or in-law.”

A large, spiked baseball bat appeared in Dr. Slick’s hand via a series of digital hexagons. “Remember, I’m not just the president…I’m also a client.”

He went on a rampage destroying everything in sight with his baseball bat.

As he slugged a mailbox, an announcer spoke. “Rage Against the Machine is not responsible for any action taken outside the simulation.”

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright Joe Rover 2021. All rights reserved.

Don’t Look a Gift Child in the Mouth | A Short Tail

Everyday Gift Child is forging new ways for you, our most valued customers, to receive the child of your dreams. 

Founded in 1879, Gift Child has been at the forefront of child procurement.

No task has been too great for us.

Did your neighbor’s child catch your eye? No problem. We’ll bring them to you in a matter of days. 

Need to transport a child across the border? Not an issue for Gift Child. We have agents all over the world.

Is your new child unruly? Always complaining about wanting to return to their “real” family? We have many available brainwashing techniques.

***

A man steps forward as the presentation ends. He clears his throat. “That was the past,” he says. “This is the future.” 

Video plays of DNA strands. The man continues. “We can now provide you with the perfect child thanks to genetic modification. Gone are the days of child abductions, trafficking, and brainwashing.”

The man paces the stage as images of random happy, smiling children appear on the screen. “We can now create the child you’ve always dreamed of. He, she, it, or they can be created any way you want. Perfect hair, perfect health, perfect personality.”

The man stops. New images of happy families replace the previous images. “The sky is literally the limit. A child that is athletic, artistic, or even more animal than human is right around the corner. The happiness of the customer is all that matters.”

The screen and stage go dark. A new voice says, “Gift Child, a subsidiary of Dark Net Unlimited, we breed children so you don’t have to.”

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright Joe Rover 2021. All rights reserved.


B&N/Nook readers

Use the coupon BNPSAINTPAT50 to save 50% at checkout from 03/15/2021 to 03/19/2021 on Dragon Reign