Joe: I finally replaced my pillow after 6 years. Now, to test it, and there is only one way to test a pillow.
Sally: Pillow fight?
Joe: OK, two.
Danny: Pillow fort?
Joe: OK, three ways.
Thanks for reading!
fantasy
S3:E2: Still Mad
Joe: Hey, Sally, you wanna see a movie this weekend?
Sally: No.
Joe: Oh. You busy?
Sally: No. I’m still mad at you, if you must know.
Joe: Mad at me? Is this about what happened in Borneo?
Sally: Uh-uh, no, we don’t talk about Borneo, no, no, no.
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Thanks for reading!
S3:E1 Personal Hygiene
Joe: Danny, did you use my toothbrush?
Danny: Yeah.
Joe: Don’t do that.
Danny: Why not?
Joe: There’s a reason it’s called personal hygiene.
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Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Adventure. What More Could You Want?
The name is Joe Rover. Gamer. Writer. Superhero. With the help of my friends, I protect Megaton City from all sorts of villains whose only desire is chaos & destruction.
S2: E5: Holiday Special
Click.
“Sir, this is Jack Frost, we have a situation. Carolers have taken over Plaza Pointe.”
“What are their demands?” the chief asked via the walkie-talkie.
“Figgy pudding, Sir, a lot of figgy pudding.”
We’ll return to Play Hard after these messages.
Click.
We now return you to Frosty, The Axe Man.
The kids were told not to play on the ancient burial ground, but they didn’t listen. They built a snowman and…
There must have been a curse upon that old hatchet they found.
For when they tied it to his branch, he begun to chase them down.
Oh! Frosty, the Axe Man, was a murderous soul they say.
With a bloody axe and gleeful grin, he’d cut you down to size.
Click.
“Where is OtherTime?” asked the girl.
Kevin Kronos pointed out the open window. “Fourth star on the left of Orion’s Belt and straight on till yesterday.”
“But how do we get there?”
“Faster than light travel, of course.”
“Huh?”
“Just obsess over a regret.”
“Any regret?” said the girl’s brother. “Like losing the big game?”
“Or yelling at a friend?” said the girl.
“That,” said Kevin, “and some tachyon particles.”
Click.
Once again it is time for that timeless holiday classic How The Grump Stole Everything.
Everyone in The City loved the winter fest, but The Grump did not. After years of bullying, mind games, and not being invited to join in the festivities, The Grump decided to steal the festival.
Late at night, The Grump sneaked into everyone’s homes. He not only stole their decorations, food, and presents, he stole their TVs and money and computer tablets.
Once done with his dastardly trick, he took the stuff to the dump to incinerate it. As he reached the dump, dawn started to break. He paused to enjoy their woeful cries. Instead, he heard the sounds of joy and of cheer. It was then The Grump learned the true meaning of the winter festival.
He quickly returned to The City. He confessed to the crime and explained his reasoning. The Citizens thanked him then locked him away—he’d broken the law after all.
To this day as The Citizens sing and shop, you can hear The Grump weep and wail from his jail cell.
The end.
Click.
A Dalmatian barked and howled and pointed over the edge of the catwalk.
“What is it, Rexxie?” said the power plant worker. “Did Sammy fall down the reactor well again.”
The Dalmatian snorted out a nod.
The worker got on his walkie-talkie. “We gotta shut down the plant. Sammy fell into the reactor well again.”
A voice come over the radio. “At least, we can plug him in once we find him.”
Click.
Once upon a time at the North Pole, there lived a reindeer with a very red nose.
Rudolph was teased endlessly by the other reindeer for his shiny, red nose. However one day, the laughter stopped as they realized his red nose was a symptom of a new strain of reindeer flu. Soon the disease spread across the North Pole, and by Christmas everyone had stuffy red noses.
Thanks to Rudolph, Santa was unable to make his rounds. He had to order and ship everything through a little known online shop. Thousands of packages were delivered by drone to all the children of the world. When everyone saw how much more efficient drones were, everyone started shopping at MasterMart. Rudolph’s red nose kept the business in the black that year. In fact, the company was able to grow and expand.
Rudolph saved Christmas and the global economy. He paved the way for a much more commercial and material Christmas. You really will go down in history, Rudolph.
This has been Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Plague Carrier, a MasterMart production.
Click.
I turned off the holo-screen. I sighed. “Why is there never anything good on during Christmas time?”
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S2:E3 Tales We Won’t Tell at Night
Good reader specific time frame, all you spooks and specters of the Internet. My name is the Bonekeeper. I unearth all the tales that should remain rotting within the hallow walls of the Storybook Graveyard. Today, I’ve dug up a delightfully delicious treat just for you. Sit back, turn off the lights, and gnaw on this bone of a tale.
Suzie, cheerleading captain and favorite for homecoming queen, walked home late one night after a victorious basketball game. The winds whispered and the fall leaves danced. Suzie smiled to herself knowing that tomorrow the victory would be coupled with her favorite day of the school year: picture day.
She abruptly stopped. A leftover instinct from primeval times gripped at her gut like bad sushi. She was being watched.
“Whoever this is,” she said in a voice trying to be strong, “this isn’t funny. Trying to scare someone is so 1980s horror film.”
She paused and listened. The only sound was the beating of her own heart.
There was no sound, no movement, yet she felt the Presence moving closer to her.
Closer and closer.
Fear wrapped around her like a hungry snake. She felt as stiff as a corpse as the Presence grew closer. She wanted to run, to scream, but the horror held her still.
The Presence loomed over her with the Chill of Death. She did not want to turn and face the terror, but she turned nonetheless. It was as if the Presence commanded her movements. She felt void of will. The Presence demanded attention, and she could do nothing but oblige.
The form of her stalker focused in from the eternal night. It was a humanoid figure with a giant mirror for a head.
Suzie screamed, a sound that some say still haunts the town to this day. For in the mirror, Suzie saw…she had a pimple.
Well frightful fiends of the digital age, that concludes today’s bone-chilling tale. Join me next time for another stroll through the Storybook Graveyard; we’ll see what other undying tales we can dig up. But be warned, brave reader, some tales are best left untold.
Aah-hahahahahaha!!
S2E2: Mission Log: While the Cat’s Away
Shortly after the Doomsday Clock event, Blue Light Technologies took an unexpected vacation. They ordered everyone to take time off; they even closed the Tower.
The vacation started out great until the giant vines and pods started showing up. Apparently, with no one to maintain/control the Creation Orb it went “natural.” It started doing what it was “programed” to do: create worlds. Wild phantasmic energy started to spread creating “magical black forests” across the Omniverse.
Fortunately, it was all part of BLT’s plan. With “magic” running amok, they needed people to take care of it. Enter the woodcutters. They could prune back the magic and get it under control again. This outbreak of magic created a wave of new jobs for people. With the new jobs came a better economy. The outbreak also brought an unprecedented uptick in stories and new characters. Hundreds of people across the Omniverse were called to action as new protagonists and antagonists. This new age also further refueled the Orb creating a time of peace.
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!
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The Admin of I/O (Wizard of Oz Parody)
Here we go again, folks, another parody. This time it’s The Wizard of Oz.
After clicking on a bad link, Dot and her virtual companion, Pixels, woke in a strange land filled with strange people.
“Pixels, I don’t think we’re on our LAN anymore,” Dot said upon seeing the Binaries, a race of people where some were over 6-feet tall and some were about 4-feet tall.
The Binaries were eternally grateful to Dot for killing the evil Lord of Memes, even if it was by accident. Upon her arrival, she’d smushed the man, ironically, by dropping a TrentTroll meme video on him. When Dot looked at the body, it derezzed into a pile of pixel blocks leaving only his UltraCorp haptic gear. To thank Dot, the Binaries gave Dot the haptic suit. After putting on the gloves, vest, and goggles, a bright light appeared among the group. It belonged to Jessie the Good Coder. Years ago Jessie left UltraCorp in order to become an independent program designer.
Jessie told Dot that if she wanted to return home she would have to speak with the Awesome Admin of I/O. “All you have to do is follow the blue secure hyperlink,” Jessie said pointing to the blue, paved road.
After a brief song that we can’t go into here because of copyright reasons, Dot thanked the coder and the Binaries and began her journey. Along the way, she met the Influencer. He believed that if he could only understand the algorithm his content could go viral. Dot suggested that he come with her to meet the Admin.
Soon Dot and her friends arrived in the Glitch Forest, home of all the bugs and glitches found in cyberspace. Some of the glitch trees attacked Dot, Pixels, and the Influencer. Thankfully, they were rescued by Bot-X1, a bot once used by UltraCorp to promote product and make the company seem more popular than they really were. Bot-X1 was shelved after people continually outed him as a bot. Bot-X1 believed if he could only get an emotion core he could appear more human-like. Once again Dot, suggested joining her, Pixels, and the Influencer on their journey to meet the Admin.
Unfortunately, this is when the Crooked Coder for Corporations appeared. She would stop at nothing to get the haptic gear that once belonged to the Lord of Memes. With the much more advanced system, her coding powers would be unstoppable. Fortunately, our heroes managed to escape, but they soon found themselves in the Dark Web Forest.
“We must be careful,” warned the Influencer. “The Dark Web is filled with scammers and hackers.”
“And trolls,” Bot-X1 added.
“Scammers and hackers and trolls, oh my,” said Dot.
As the friends ventured more into the forest, the darker it got. They then heard a noise. Someone was following them. A figure jumped out in front of them. It was the Honest Insurance Salesman. He’d been trying for years to get his business off the ground; but for some odd reason, people found him untrustworthy.
“If only I had a verification certificate then people would know I’m not a scammer,” said the Salesman.
Dot, the Influencer, and Bot-X1 were a little skeptical about letting an insurance salesman join them–especially one found in the Dark Web; but after he preformed a heartfelt song, Dot decided that he should be given a chance; she invited him to join their quest to meet the Admin.
Finally, the heroes exited the forest and found themselves only a few miles from Cloud Storage City. Their arrival, however, didn’t go unnoticed. The Crooked Coder, using her malware spy program, watched as the heroes approached the city. She knew if she didn’t do something soon, they would be out of reach. She reached out and infected the fields around the city with pop-up ads. The pop-up ads slowed the progress of the heroes as they fought the onslaught of annoying ads. Luckily, Jessie was also watching the progress of the heroes and sent a pop-up blocker.
With the pop-ups gone, the heroes entered the city where they finally met the Admin. The mystical floating head told them he could only return them once they brought him the CPU of the Crooked Coder. The heroes were not happy about this news but continued on their quest.
Not long after leaving the city, the Crooked Coder sent her viruses to capture the heroes. They were brought before the Crooked Coder. When Dot refused to give her the haptic gear, she threatened to hack into the Influencer’s account and post scandalous videos that would get the Influencer “canceled.”
“Don’t do it!” cried her three friends.
“She’ll be too powerful!” said the Influencer.
“Quiet you!” said the Coder. She then infected the Influencer. He started to fade away.
Seeing the only thing nearby was a bucket of comments, Dot threw it towards the Influencer. She’d hope that the comments would strengthen him. She believed that the comments were friendly ones, full of well-wishes and praise, but they were in fact the comments that sprang from haters. Thankfully, Dot missed and got the Crooked Coder instead. She was doused in hate comments.
“NO!” cried the Coder. “What a realm! What a realm that my malicious acts be undone by those more negative than me!” The Coder collapsed into a series of pixels.
Dot and friends returned to Cloud Storage City with the CPU. Unfortunately, the Crooked Coder’s CPU was incompatible with the Admin’s system and therefore useless. It looked like all hope was lost. They would never get what they wanted. But Dot gave an inspirational speech to her friends telling them how valued they were not for the number of followers they had but for who they were. She told them they were true and honest friends. It then got better as the Admin informed the Influencer that he could give him the secrets of the algorithm. He also could give Bot-X1 emotion programing. Finally, the Salesman got his verification. But, he could not return Dot to her home.
At this point, Pixels turned on the Admin’s facecam and revealed that he was really a human with a light pink shirt, acid-wash jeans, and a mullet. Turned out he was a programmer from the 1980s. He got stuck here after some bad coding.
With things looking really bleak, Jessie the Good Coder returned. She informed Dot that she could have left anytime. She just needed to log out of the haptic system.
“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?” said Dot.
“If I had done that then you wouldn’t have this story to post to social media.”
“It’s kinda long for Birdsong,” said Dot.
“Then put it on a blog,” Jessie said in an annoyed “duh” voice. She cleared her throat and became sweet again. “You just need to say the password: there’s no place like homepage.”
“Will I ever see you again?” asked Dot.
“Sure. If you remember to follow us and leave a review on YIP.”
“Wait a minute. Was all of this a simulation?”
“No time for that now. Say the password.”
“There’s no place like homepage,” said Dot. “There’s no place like homepage.”
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!
Pretend Comic-Con Post But With Real Writing Updates
Since Comic-Con is happening and all these creative people are showcasing upcoming events, I figured I’d give you a preview/update of events. Many of these stories are still in the brainstorming stage so they may or may not actually bear fruit.
I am still working on The Capstone Saga where the capstone from the Great Pyramid returns to destroy the world. A few of the episodes have been published on Amazon.
I’m also working on a story series based on the #vss365 prompts on Twitter. The story is about Blue Light Technologies (BLT) ordering everyone to take a vacation thus leaving the Creation Orb unattended. With the Orb unattended, it produces “wild magic.” I’m working on a way to compile the posts into a story. You should be able to search for it through #TheCatsAway and #DogboyChronicles. The first post should be here.
Other potential stories include:
Wolfborne: While on a mission, the hero is captured and brainwashed into believing he is part of a cult.
The Doomsday Clock: Time is running out for the world. Midnight has struck.
The Supers vs. The Machines: Rouge Muses decide to create a Metaverse by turning creatives and characters into machines.
Until the next wormhole…have a fun Comic-Con (however you’re celebrating) and thanks for reading!
Kitty on the Prowl
“Ladies and gentlemen,” said the host of the Back Alley Club, “Miss Sasha La Purr!”
The cats clapped their paws; the dogs howled; and the birds whistled while the host left the stage. A spotlight appeared at stage left. A leg with white fur and long-heeled shoes peeked out from the exit/entrance. The crowd hollered louder. Miss La Purr, a white cat with some black stripes along the face, slowly entered the stage. She walked slowly to the microphone letting each new howl and whistle wash over her. She gripped the microphone. Finally, the crowd faded into silence. She nodded softly to the band of mice. The saxophone player began with a soft, slow tune. Soon the others joined in creating a playfully romantic song.
“You think I’m cute. But, honey, I’ve got claws and teeth to boot.
Don’t be fooled when I’m on the prowl…boys.
A sway of my hips, and a bat of my eyes,
my attacks are neigh when the moon is high.
Perfume in the air beckons you to come near. Ruby red lips that hold your gaze.
You’ll never see it coming when I’m on the prowl.
Your soul I’ll steal with a ‘purr’ and a “hmm.’
A tail around your throat, and a gentle squeeze.
When I’m on the prowl, I always win.
Slashes and yowls are fine for some, but
there are other ways to skin a cat.”
The audience whistled as Miss La Purr slinked off the stage; she winked at a patron sitting by himself.
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An Unhappy Ending
An unhappy ending doesn’t mean a sad ending. It means an ending that wasn’t supposed to happen; an ending where justice, compassion, or mercy aren’t served. If a protagonist is an unrepentant slimeball and they get away with continuing to be a slimeball, the story has an unhappy ending. However, if the slimeball realizes they were a creep and works to make amends–even if that includes jail time or worse–then the story has a happy ending.
The job of Blue Light Technologies (BLT) is to feed happy endings to the orb located on the roof of BLT Tower. If it is fed unhappy endings, there is trouble. An example is the Holocaust; it was the result of one unhappy ending. The Dark Ages is a result of many unhappy endings.
Dashing Heroes and Exciting Sci-Fi/Fantasy Action Await You in the Dogboy Multiverse
A peaceful drive turns into a road rage battle as Joe and Bandit defend themselves against Roadburn and Skidz. During the fight, Joe meets the mysterious Leo. Who is this young man? What do Roadburn and Skidz want with him?
Joe Rover 