Joe: Hey, Sally, you wanna see a movie this weekend?
Sally: No.
Joe: Oh. You busy?
Sally: No. I’m still mad at you, if you must know.
Joe: Mad at me? Is this about what happened in Borneo?
Sally: Uh-uh, no, we don’t talk about Borneo, no, no, no.
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Thanks for reading!
The lunch bell rang signaling high noon, but no one was heading to the cafeteria this day. Everyone brought a shack lunch so they were sure to watch the duel between Jeffery “Sheriff” Bunsen and the fastest towel at West Bayville Elementary School, Jimmy Kidd.
A few of the early arrivals got seats on the swings or the slides, some managed spots on the jungle gym or monkey bars; but for most, it was standing room only. The two took positions opposite of each other as a basketball rolled by.
Jimmy spat his gum into a tissue. “I’ve come a long way for this battle, Sheriff—Miss Lilly’s third grade classroom.”
“Anytime you’re ready,” said Jeffery.
The audience wasn’t too sure who to root for as their eyes darted back and forth. The two slingers twirled their weapons of choice. Jeffery went with the ‘93 beach towel while Jimmy preferred the Smith and McGuire dish towel—he claimed it created a louder snap. Once the towels were ready, the two stared each other down. The crowd went silent. The two duelers twitched waiting for the first to show signs of attack.
SNAP!
The crowd gasped. Who’d won?
The two slingers narrowed their eyes. Finally, Jimmy slowly raised his hand and touched the spot on his chest where Jeffery’s towel made contact. Jimmy gave Jeffery a respectful nod before saying, “Nice shot. Best two out of three?”
Jeffery twirled his towel. “You’re on.”
The crowd let out a cheer.
The Clubhouse, the base of the International League of Super-Transbeings located on Freedom Isle…
A group of heroes milled around chatting. I stood between Glop and Turbo waiting for the class to begin.
Boo-whip!
The hologram of the instructor appeared before us. He wore a brightly colored unitard with a headband and leg warmers. His hair poked over the edges of the headband.
“Alright, heroes,” he said in a voice that should only be reserved for fitness instructors and car salespeople, “let’s begin today’s hero yoga poses. I hope everyone remembered to warm-up before class.”
I doubted anyone warmed-up; my suspicions were confirmed by the amount of muttering, whistling, and loss of eye contact.
“First,” said the instructor, “the landing pose.”
We all got low with one leg out and one fist on the ground. We held our other arm straight up.
“Now, the explosion power walk.”
We puffed out our chests, raised our heads, and walked in place slowly.
“Remember not to look back at the explosion,” said the fitness instructor. “Next, the up, up, and away.”
We held one arm skyward, bent the opposite leg up towards our chest, and rested the corresponding arm next to it with our fists clenched. We looked skyward.
“Excellent. The classic.”
We stood straight and put our hands on our hips.
“The team power pose.”
Glop and I flanked Turbo. He stood stiff with his arms stretched but slightly away form his legs. Glop and I stood with our backs to him; we raised one arm and one leg trying to make ourselves look like lightning bolts.
“The epic crossover team up,” said the instructor.
Everyone in the class stood in a circle back to back. We made various poses as the camera (aka the instructor) moved around us in a circle.
“Tighten up your stomach, Ripper,” said the instructor. The young hero sucked in his gut.
The hologram returned to his position at the front of the class. “The reveal.”
We pretended to rip open our shirts. We puffed out our chests and arched our backs.
“Powerful action pose.”
We threw a hook punch like we were hitting a villain’s face; but instead of relaxing, we held the pose.
“Heroes together.”
As one, we punched the sky with a heroic, “YEAH!”
“Victory pose,” said the instructor.
We placed one hand on our hip then flexed the other arm and smiled for the camera.
“And finally, the Easter egg.”
We pretended to hold a car over our heads and smash the front bumper into a boulder.
The instructor clapped overly enthusiastically as the class relaxed. “Excellent work today, everyone! Don’t forget to practice your poses at home. We’ve got to stay fit for our battle against evil. See you all Thursday!”
The instructor hologram vanished with another boo-whip; the students immediately started chatting again.
Copyright Joe Rover 2021. All rights reserved.
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!
Action, adventure, and sci-fi fantasy await within the pages of the Dogboy Chronicles.
Join Joe Rover and his friends as they protect their hometown from the forces of evil…and the forces of daily life.
Click below to find a store or follow me on Amazon for book updates.
The following is a sample from my current work in progress. It is unfinished so the final product may look different.
I finally was able to get some writing in and finished a 1,630 word short story. In the future, court cases are livestreamed and run about an hour long. The audience is also the jury; they get to live chat and vote on the outcome of the trial via the comments section.
“Objection!” shouted the prosecutor pointing directly at Hunter. “You can’t have a surprise witness! Both parties must be aware and have equal access to any evidence and witnesses prior to the trail.”
The judge banged his gavel. “Since this case is being livestreamed, I’ll allow it. Audiences want an exciting trial full of drama.” He faced the hovering cameras that tracked the movements of the participants. “And don’t forget to like and subscribe to be notified of any new court trials. Also, remember to vote in the comments section if the defendant is guilty or not guilty after the trial.”
Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.
The following are my opinion and do not reflect the opinion of any organization or person.
It’s that day again. The day you can’t trust your best friend. The day when even your parents are out to get you. The day you need to bar the windows and hide under the bed. Purge Day. I mean, April Fools. (Though that is how I felt most April Fools–I was the number one target.)
So here are some April Fools videos. Enjoy and prepare for your DOOOOOM. I mean, prepare to laugh.
But, make sure you consider visiting their channels and maybe subscribing or else. Ha, ha! April Fools! But seriously, consider visiting their channels. Click on their icon, next to the title, to go to their YouTube channel.
Do you have any recommendations? Tell me in the comments.
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.
*****************
…
One St. Patrick’s Day, after a long night of orange juice, smooth jazz, and a game or two of Chess AR, Brain jolted awake from his crash landing on the Doghouse couch.
“I’ve got it!” he exclaimed.
“Got what?” I asked, trying to rub away the brain freeze I received from drinking my St. Patty’s Day mint milkshake too quickly.
“My next brilliant invention! I can inject our food and drink with nanobots. These nanobots could alter or absorb the unused material created from digestion. We would then remove the nanobots through perspiration or exhaling. No one would ever have to go the bathroom again!”
I closed the holographic web browser with a mental command to my Omni-Cuff. I tapped my chin in thought. Now, why did I upload that memory into the cloud?
“JOE!”
I flipped around, startled by Brain’s voice. My Omn-Cuff headset nearly fell off from around my ear.
Brain crossed his arms and tapped his foot at me. The last time I’d seen him this angry was when I hacked into the training simulator and swapped the level 10 setting with the level 1 setting. “I thought we agreed to never access that memory again.”
I snapped my fingers. “That’s right. Now, I remember. The next day we all uploaded the memory into the cloud bank because we all agreed that was the silliest idea you ever came up with. I’m glad you decided to go with the blankets that could sing lullabies idea instead.”
Brain tapped his foot again and screwed his lip into an unhappy snarl. “Where did you get the idea to down…Never mind. I know. DANNY!”
Danny poked his head around the corner. “Be right with you; I got to share this memory file on PostBook first.”
“Daniel Smith, don’t you dare!” Uh-oh, Brain’s using contractions; he must be irked. Brain stormed after Danny. “Give me that Omni-Cuff right now!”
Danny was already at the door; he stood half in and half out. “You’ll have to catch me first,” he said in a sing-song voice before shutting the door behind him. A moment later, I could see his retreating form from the window.
Brain continued to yell after him as he exited with a door slam. I moved to the couch and flipped on the holo-vision set. “I’ll give it till they make the news before I interfere.”
Until the next wormhole…
Copyright Joe Rover 2020. All rights reserved.
The following is inspired by a news article about signals from space that return every 16 days. You can read the article here.
Brain yelped a cheer interrupting my nap.
Ever since the news story about strange signals from space every 16 days, Brian’s been at his equipment trying to decode the blips and static. It was interesting for about the first 15 hours.
“I did it!” said Brain. He adjusted dials and knobs as I yawned and scratched my head. “In a matter of moments, we will discover the nature of these pulses.” Brain continued to adjust wavelengths and double-check readouts; I moved from Brain’s cot to the seat next to him. “Scientists are debating if the pulses are caused by an orbiting object blocking the source or if the source is orbiting an object. Another possibility is the source itself is pulsing.”
The machine whined for a minute, which woke me up even further.
“Translation of cosmic pulses complete,” said SPOT, the artificial intelligence.
Brain and I fell into a deep hush. The machines beeped a couple times before the answer came.
“Eat at Joe’s,” said a friendly voice bouncing out of the speakers like a used car salesman who’d spotted a customer from across the lot. “Save 20 percent on your first online order. Offer expires 500 million years from broadcast date–Galactic year 2151.”
A hologram calendar appeared above my watch. “Drat!” I said. “It expired yesterday.”
“Remember,” the ad continued, “if your order doesn’t arrive in 30 parsecs, it’s free.”
I sighed. “Why does everyone get that wrong? Parsecs are not a measurement of time!” I glanced over at Brain; he stared forward like a fish that’d just learned hooks are bad. “What’s wrong?”
“The greatest scientific mystery of our age…and it is a commercial.” He covered his face with a hand. “Why is the universe such a cruel mistress?”
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!
Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.
I just couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry.
ON SCREEN TEXT: Not long ago, in a school district nearby…
A dramatic sting plays.
ON SCREEN TEXT: School Wars
Rousing adventure music plays.
ON SCREEN TEXT: Day 14: A New Arrival
Young substitute teacher, Jake Applegate, arrives at FDR Elementary School. He believes it’ll be another standard day, but he learns he has a far greater destiny…
INT. TEACHER’S LOUNGE, DAY
JAKE APPLEGATE, a substitute teacher, takes a moment to drink some coffee. Suddenly, he hears the sound of squeaking wheels. He faces the door. Standing in the doorway is the infamous and powerful AUDIO VICTOR. The squeaking sound came from his AV cart.
AUDIO VICTOR:
It is time. Time to take you to The Principal. He will finish your training.
JAKE:
I’ve heard of you from the students. You’ll never turn me.
AUDIO VICTOR:
If you only knew the power of the pop quiz.
JAKE:
I’ll never join your ranks.
AUDIO VICTOR:
Yes, you will. I am your teaching assistant.
JAKE:
No! It isn’t true!
AUDIO VICTOR:
You know it to be true. Search your lesson plan.
EXT. PLAYGROUND WASTELANDS, DAY
Jake manages to escape the clutches of Audio Victor, but soon finds himself lost among the deserted lands of the playground wastelands. Not long into his journey he encounters a band of traveling trading card enthusiasts. The fans have made debate student CAL PLOTZ III and gamer RUDY2KNIGHT their slaves. Jake challenges the trading card players. If he wins, the students go free; if he loses, he joins their slave ranks. Fortunately, Jake wins easily. Soon after the match, Jake learns that Rudy2Knight has a message for SUPERINTENDENT JONES from CLASS PRESIDENT LACY. The message accidentally plays when Rudy2Knight sits down and butt dials it.
LACY:
Help me, Superintendent Jones, you’re my only hope.
JAKE:
I don’t know any Superintendent Jones. I do know a Janitor Jones–maybe they’re related.
INT. COMMAND CENTER, DAY
Lacy, soon after texting her message to Rudy2Knight, is captured by Audio Victor. She is then taken to the command center of The Principal’s secret playground base. FIRST TEACHER’S PET HENRY, commander of the Administration’s army of Halltroopers, interrogates her.
HENRY:
Tell us the location of the Class Disruptors’ base or we will use the full power of this battle fort. The Gold Star has the power to fail the entirety of Miss Smith’s third grade class.
LACY:
You can’t!
HENRY:
Watch us.
LACY:
(Sighs) They’re in room one-eighteen.
HENRY:
Excellent. (to Gold Star operators) Target Miss Smith’s class.
LACY:
No! You promised!
HENRY:
You are far too trusting, Class President.
INT. JANITOR’S CLOSET, DAY
JANITOR JONES has rescued Jake, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III from the Cool Kids–the heroes inadvertently crossed into their territory. After Rudy2Knight plays the message, Jones reveals that he is Superintendent Jones and was once part of the EDUCATOR ORDER and served as part of the SCHOOL BOARD until the night The Principal attacked.
JONES:
The Educators were once a force for peace and learning. Now, we are nearly extinct. (Jones hands Jake a small device. Jake activates it. A large, glowing ruler appears.) It is called a foam ruler, a tool used by the Educators. It is more elagent and less random than a spitball blaster. This one belonged to your TA until he was destroyed by the dark side of The Curriculum.
INT. HALLWAYS OF FDR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, DAY
Jones, Jake, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III are in need of transport if they wish to aid Class President Lacy. They figure their best option is the quad area. On their way they are stopped by Halltroopers.
TROOPER 1:
We’re looking for a couple of fugitive dweebs. We need to see your hall passes.
JONES:
You don’t need to see our hall passes. These are not the dweebs you are looking for.
TROOPER 1 (addressing the other Halltroopers):
We don’t need to see their hall passes. These aren’t the dweebs we are looking for. Move along.
JAKE (in shock):
How did you do that?
JONES:
Old Educator mind trick. (smiles) The more you are in tune with the Curriculum the less students question you.
INT. STUDENT QUAD AREA
The quad area, a fun-loving nest of cliques and gossip, is filled with variety of people. A band plays music while some check their social media feeds. Jake and Jones will find sutable aid here. Unfortunately, dweebs such as Cal Plotz III and Rudy2Knight are not allowed and they must wait nearby. Jones and Jake soon meet SAM SOLOACT, a class clown, and his friend MEATHEAD, a football jock.
JONES:
Is your transport fast?
SAM:
Fast? Listen, pal, my vehicle can make the science to gym passing period in a minute thirty-one.
A deal is struck between the two parties. Sam and Meathead remain while Jones and Jake leave to make preparations.
SAM:
This is great, Meat! With this charter, we can finally pay off Bubba the Bully.
MEATHEAD:
Blue 22!
Sam’s victory is short lived as the snitch GLEN arrives to collect the bounty on Sam’s head: 20 jawbreakers. Luckily, Sam dispatches Glen with a well placed spitball from his blaster.
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT, DAY
Jones, Jake, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III meet up with Sam and Meathead. Sam introduces the group to his golf cart known as the Eon Hawk. The heroes begin boarding but are soon caught by Bubba’s snitches. Sam turns the key to the golf cart as the snitches pelt it with rocks and spitballs from their slingshots.
MEATHEAD:
Hike! Hike!
SAM:
I know, Meat, I’ll fix the engine tomorrow!
Finally, the golf cart turns over and the heroes flee. The speed of the golf cart is too much for the snitches and they break off their attack.
EXT. PLAYGROUND, DAY
The Eon Hawk escapes the clutches of Bubba the Bully but encounters a group of weeping students. The students of Miss Smith’s class mummer things like, “My parents are going to kill me.” The heroes are confused by the sight.
SAM:
We’ll head for that jungle gym and regroup.
JONES:
That’s no jungle gym.
It is the Gold Star. A large piece of playground equipment meant to look like a jungle gym but more solid and mobile.
SAM:
I bet that’s where we’ll find the class president.
INT. GOLD STAR, DAY
Jake, Sam, Meathead, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III are able to save Class President Lacy from Detention thanks to Jones deactivating the security features. The group makes their way to the Eon Hawk. Meanwhile, Jones encounters Audio Victor. The two activate their foam rulers and begin their duel. Soon the duel leads them to where the Eon Hawk is parked and to the band of heroes.
AUDIO VICTOR:
You have no hope of defeating me, Old Man.
JONES:
If you flunk me, I will only rise smarter than you can imagine.
Jake moves to help Jones. Jones signals Jake not to interfere. Jones is slapped on the wrists with the ruler.
JAKE:
NOOO! JONES!
Sam and Meathead pull Jake away.
EXT. PLAYGROUND, DAY
After escaping the Gold Star, the heroes are chased by a squad of food fighters. To escape they have no choice but to cross the blacktop where a game of dodgeball is underway.
CAL:
The odds of successfully maneuvering a dodgeball field are one in a million.
SAM:
Never tell me the odds, dweeb. Punch it, Meat!
INT. ROOM 1C, THE CLASS DISRUPTORS’ BASE, DAY
The heroes meet up with the Class Disruptors. Thanks to the rest of the text message on Rudy2Knight’s phone, the Disruptors are able to learn of a weakness in the Gold Star.
DISRUPTOR LEADER:
A single gumball missile into the vent system will destroy the super-weapon.
SAM:
That’s a suicide mission. The vent opening is too small for someone to hit.
The heroes prepare their assault. They prep their slingshot mop buckets, their Segways, scooters, and skateboards. They arm themselves with gumball missiles, slingshot rubber bands, and spitballs. Moments later, the Disruptors learn that the Administration discovered Lacy’s lie about the base’s location and tracked the Eon Hawk to Room 1C. The Gold Star was almost visible from the classroom windows.
EXT. GOLD STAR, DAY
The battle is tougher than expected. Anyone who tries to fire on the vents fails or is nailed with detention slips. Only Jake is left without marks on his permanent record. It pays to be a teacher. Jake makes his run on the Gold Star vent.
JONES (ghostly VO via a video message):
Use the chalk, Jake.
DISRUPTOR PILOT:
Is something wrong, Jake? You’ve turned off the targeting app on your smartphone.
Jake uses a slingshot to launch a piece of chalk into the Gold Star’s ventilation system. The chalk breaks apart sending a cloud of dust throughout the Gold Star. The Halltroopers and Teacher’s Pets choke on the dust. One Halltrooper stumbles and accidentally presses the self-destruct button. The Gold Star is destroyed in a burst of confetti and whipped cream.
INT. MIKE’S MALT SHOP, NIGHT
The Class Disruptors celebrate their victory. It is ice cream, malts, and banana splits all around.
END.
Whew, that was a long one. Hope you enjoyed it.
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!
My books are for sale at many online retailers. Or you can help support me by buying me a metaphorical coffee at Ko-fi.
Not terribly long ago, The Bookish Elf posted a picture on Instagram called The Bookworm Pills. It asked the audience to choose any two of the pills, such as the amnesia pill which allows you to re-read a book as if it was the first time you read it.
My first instinct was to go with the travel and body pills. These allow you to visit any fictional world and to change bodies with any fictional character. I then realized why would I need to travel to that fictional world if I’d changed bodies with the fictional character? Wouldn’t I already be in that world?
I also started wondering how long do the pills last? Is it forever or just 24 hours? If it’s 24 hours then the amnesia pill is useless. I don’t want to be reading a book and then a couple chapters in go, “Oh yeah, it was the butler.” (Though there are some books I would like to forget reading.)
And the travel pill would be pointless in some cases. A lot of people wanted to travel to Hogworts. But, the pill doesn’t make you a wizard; you’d be a Muggle and they wouldn’t let you in.
Another popular choice seemed to be the life pill, which can bring a fictional character into the real world. The thing is it doesn’t make the person (or whatever) like you. If you could summon say Gandalf, would he even hang out with you? And how many times have we seen shows where the main character encounters someone from another time or dimension? They spend all their time trying to keep the guest under control as they run around going, “What’s that?” and getting into trouble.
The last popular pill was the love pill; this pill makes a fictional character fall in love with you. Well, this is pretty useless unless you use the travel, life, or body pill. So, if you pick love pill, your next choice is pretty much chosen for you. And why would you pick the love pill if you could just pick the body pill and swap bodies with their love interest. For example, why pick the love pill in order to make Bella from Twilight fall in love with you when you can just use the body pill and become Edward? You’d have the girl, travel to the fictional world (and be accepted), and be the character. You’d also have one more pill to choose.
After some thought, I began to see that the sacrifice pill might be the best for one of the choices. What story doesn’t have some character (usually a side character) that you grow to care about only to have them killed at some point? Unfortunately, you can only use it once, or can you?
First, the picture shows the pills in groups of four. Does that mean you get four of the pill type you choose? For instance, you get four sacrifice pills and four love pills. Or is it just two, as in one sacrifice and one love pill? It’s probably the latter. However, that got me thinking. Why not do like in the Limitless movie and just get more made.
The directions say “take.” That can mean ingest or choose it and hold on to it. There is also no time limit in the rules; it doesn’t say you have to take it immediately. Why not use the body pill and switch with a character that lives in a world where strange science is normal?
I thought I could swap bodies with a comic book character, like Superman. In that world, they have all sorts of strange inventions and science. STAR Labs could maybe replicate another pill and make more. I could have the sacrifice pill replicated many times over and bring back Batman’s parents or Flash’s mom or more. Mwa-hahahaha!! Oh, wait, then I’d probably cause some Crisis event because all the dead were returning!! And then everything would be rebooted.
Hmmm…
Wait. It says “take two.” Doesn’t say it can’t be two of the same. So, I go to a fictional world, via the body pill, where they can recreate the pills and then I could just travel to other fictional worlds by changing bodies.
Wonder how I’d get back to the real world though?
Which two pills would you take? Let me know in the comments below.
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.
Join in the adventure as Joe and company deal with everything from waking up in the morning to stopping an alien invasion in the Christmas themed eBook Gift of the Minion. Releases Dec. 3. Preorder for $0.99, regular price $2.99.
I was listening to some music from Spotify while exercising and it began playing the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song. It reminded me how when I was younger I thought they said, “When the evil Shredder of Tex,” instead of “When the evil Shredder attacks.” For a long time I wondered why the Ninja Turtles had such a problem with Texans.
This was almost as bad as when I thought the underworld door in The Real Ghostbusters animated series was saying, “Do not open until Tuesday,” instead of “Do not open until Doomsday.” I was terrified of Tuesdays for a long time.
Ah, youth, so many fond memories.
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.
Joe Rover 