Recommended #45 (April Fools Edition)

The following are my opinion and do not reflect the opinion of any organization or person.

It’s that day again. The day you can’t trust your best friend. The day when even your parents are out to get you. The day you need to bar the windows and hide under the bed. Purge Day. I mean, April Fools.  (Though that is how I felt most April Fools–I was the number one target.)

So here are some April Fools videos. Enjoy and prepare for your DOOOOOM. I mean, prepare to laugh. 

But, make sure you consider visiting their channels and maybe subscribing or else. Ha, ha! April Fools! But seriously, consider visiting their channels. Click on their icon, next to the title, to go to their YouTube channel.

stampylonghead
Minecraft
Vailskibum94
AlternateHistoryHub

Do you have any recommendations? Tell me in the comments.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.


Stay safe and have a happy April Fools!!

The Idea | Chronicles Short (St. Patrick’s Day Post)

Accessing BLT Head in the Cloud 

Please enter password

*****************

Welcome, Joe Rover. Which memory would you like to download from our cloud network?

Downloading…

One St. Patrick’s Day, after a long night of orange juice, smooth jazz, and a game or two of Chess AR, Brain jolted awake from his crash landing on the Doghouse couch. 

“I’ve got it!” he exclaimed.

“Got what?” I asked, trying to rub away the brain freeze I received from drinking my St. Patty’s Day mint milkshake too quickly. 

“My next brilliant invention! I can inject our food and drink with nanobots. These nanobots could alter or absorb the unused material created from digestion. We would then remove the nanobots through perspiration or exhaling. No one would ever have to go the bathroom again!”

End of file

Thank you for choosing Head in the Cloud for all your memory saving needs.

Do you have too many memories and not enough space? Consider upgrading to our $9.99 a month plan…

I closed the holographic web browser with a mental command to my Omni-Cuff. I tapped my chin in thought. Now, why did I upload that memory into the cloud?

“JOE!”

I flipped around, startled by Brain’s voice. My Omn-Cuff headset nearly fell off from around my ear.

Brain crossed his arms and tapped his foot at me. The last time I’d seen him this angry was when I hacked into the training simulator and swapped the level 10 setting with the level 1 setting. “I thought we agreed to never access that memory again.”

I snapped my fingers. “That’s right. Now, I remember. The next day we all uploaded the memory into the cloud bank because we all agreed that was the silliest idea you ever came up with. I’m glad you decided to go with the blankets that could sing lullabies idea instead.”

Brain tapped his foot again and screwed his lip into an unhappy snarl. “Where did you get the idea to down…Never mind. I know. DANNY!”

Danny poked his head around the corner. “Be right with you; I got to share this memory file on PostBook first.”

“Daniel Smith, don’t you dare!” Uh-oh, Brain’s using contractions; he must be irked. Brain stormed after Danny. “Give me that Omni-Cuff right now!”

Danny was already at the door; he stood half in and half out. “You’ll have to catch me first,” he said in a sing-song voice before shutting the door behind him. A moment later, I could see his retreating form from the window.

Brain continued to yell after him as he exited with a door slam. I moved to the couch and flipped on the holo-vision set. “I’ll give it till they make the news before I interfere.”

Until the next wormhole…

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY EVERYONE!


Copyright Joe Rover 2020. All rights reserved.

Mysterious Space Signals

The following is inspired by a news article about signals from space that return every 16 days. You can read the article here.

Brain yelped a cheer interrupting my nap. 

Ever since the news story about strange signals from space every 16 days, Brian’s been at his equipment trying to decode the blips and static. It was interesting for about the first 15 hours. 

“I did it!” said Brain. He adjusted dials and knobs as I yawned and scratched my head. “In a matter of moments, we will discover the nature of these pulses.” Brain continued to adjust wavelengths and double-check readouts; I moved from Brain’s cot to the seat next to him. “Scientists are debating if the pulses are caused by an orbiting object blocking the source or if the source is orbiting an object. Another possibility is the source itself is pulsing.” 

The machine whined for a minute, which woke me up even further.

“Translation of cosmic pulses complete,” said SPOT, the artificial intelligence.

Brain and I fell into a deep hush. The machines beeped a couple times before the answer came.

“Eat at Joe’s,” said a friendly voice bouncing out of the speakers like a used car salesman who’d spotted a customer from across the lot. “Save 20 percent on your first online order. Offer expires 500 million years from broadcast date–Galactic year 2151.”

A hologram calendar appeared above my watch. “Drat!” I said. “It expired yesterday.”  

“Remember,” the ad continued, “if your order doesn’t arrive in 30 parsecs, it’s free.”

I sighed. “Why does everyone get that wrong? Parsecs are not a measurement of time!” I glanced over at Brain; he stared forward like a fish that’d just learned hooks are bad. “What’s wrong?”

“The greatest scientific mystery of our age…and it is a commercial.” He covered his face with a hand. “Why is the universe such a cruel mistress?”

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.


School Wars: A Star Wars Parody

I just couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry.

ON SCREEN TEXT: Not long ago, in a school district nearby…

A dramatic sting plays.

ON SCREEN TEXT: School Wars

Rousing adventure music plays.

ON SCREEN TEXT: Day 14: A New Arrival

Young substitute teacher, Jake Applegate, arrives at FDR Elementary School. He believes it’ll be another standard day, but he learns he has a far greater destiny…

INT. TEACHER’S LOUNGE, DAY

JAKE APPLEGATE, a substitute teacher, takes a moment to drink some coffee. Suddenly, he hears the sound of squeaking wheels. He faces the door. Standing in the doorway is the infamous and powerful AUDIO VICTOR. The squeaking sound came from his AV cart.

AUDIO VICTOR:

It is time. Time to take you to The Principal. He will finish your training.

JAKE:

I’ve heard of you from the students. You’ll never turn me.

AUDIO VICTOR:

If you only knew the power of the pop quiz.

JAKE:

I’ll never join your ranks.

AUDIO VICTOR:

Yes, you will. I am your teaching assistant.

JAKE:

No! It isn’t true!

AUDIO VICTOR:

You know it to be true. Search your lesson plan.

EXT. PLAYGROUND WASTELANDS, DAY

Jake manages to escape the clutches of Audio Victor, but soon finds himself lost among the deserted lands of the playground wastelands. Not long into his journey he encounters a band of traveling trading card enthusiasts. The fans have made debate student CAL PLOTZ III and gamer RUDY2KNIGHT their slaves. Jake challenges the trading card players. If he wins, the students go free; if he loses, he joins their slave ranks. Fortunately, Jake wins easily. Soon after the match, Jake learns that Rudy2Knight has a message for SUPERINTENDENT JONES from CLASS PRESIDENT LACY. The message accidentally plays when Rudy2Knight sits down and butt dials it.

LACY:

Help me, Superintendent Jones, you’re my only hope.

JAKE:

I don’t know any Superintendent Jones. I do know a Janitor Jones–maybe they’re related.

INT. COMMAND CENTER, DAY

Lacy, soon after texting her message to Rudy2Knight, is captured by Audio Victor. She is then taken to the command center of The Principal’s secret playground base. FIRST TEACHER’S PET HENRY, commander of the Administration’s army of Halltroopers, interrogates her.

HENRY:

Tell us the location of the Class Disruptors’ base or we will use the full power of this battle fort. The Gold Star has the power to fail the entirety of Miss Smith’s third grade class.

LACY:

You can’t!

HENRY:

Watch us.

LACY:

(Sighs) They’re in room one-eighteen.

HENRY:

Excellent. (to Gold Star operators) Target Miss Smith’s class.

LACY:

No! You promised!

HENRY:

You are far too trusting, Class President.

INT. JANITOR’S CLOSET, DAY

JANITOR JONES has rescued Jake, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III from the Cool Kids–the heroes inadvertently crossed into their territory. After Rudy2Knight plays the message, Jones reveals that he is Superintendent Jones and was once part of the EDUCATOR ORDER and served as part of the SCHOOL BOARD until the night The Principal attacked.

JONES:

The Educators were once a force for peace and learning. Now, we are nearly extinct. (Jones hands Jake a small device. Jake activates it. A large, glowing ruler appears.) It is called a foam ruler, a tool used by the Educators. It is more elagent and less random than a spitball blaster. This one belonged to your TA until he was destroyed by the dark side of The Curriculum.

INT. HALLWAYS OF FDR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, DAY

Jones, Jake, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III are in need of transport if they wish to aid Class President Lacy. They figure their best option is the quad area. On their way they are stopped by Halltroopers.

TROOPER 1:

We’re looking for a couple of fugitive dweebs. We need to see your hall passes.

JONES:

You don’t need to see our hall passes. These are not the dweebs you are looking for.

TROOPER 1 (addressing the other Halltroopers):

We don’t need to see their hall passes. These aren’t the dweebs we are looking for. Move along.

JAKE (in shock):

How did you do that?

JONES:

Old Educator mind trick. (smiles) The more you are in tune with the Curriculum the less students question you.

INT. STUDENT QUAD AREA

The quad area, a fun-loving nest of cliques and gossip, is filled with variety of people. A band plays music while some check their social media feeds. Jake and Jones will find sutable aid here. Unfortunately, dweebs such as Cal Plotz III and Rudy2Knight are not allowed and they must wait nearby. Jones and Jake soon meet SAM SOLOACT, a class clown, and his friend MEATHEAD, a football jock.

JONES:

Is your transport fast?

SAM:

Fast? Listen, pal, my vehicle can make the science to gym passing period in a minute thirty-one.

A deal is struck between the two parties. Sam and Meathead remain while Jones and Jake leave to make preparations.

SAM:

This is great, Meat! With this charter, we can finally pay off Bubba the Bully.

MEATHEAD:

Blue 22!

Sam’s victory is short lived as the snitch GLEN arrives to collect the bounty on Sam’s head: 20 jawbreakers. Luckily, Sam dispatches Glen with a well placed spitball from his blaster.

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT, DAY

Jones, Jake, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III meet up with Sam and Meathead. Sam introduces the group to his golf cart known as the Eon Hawk. The heroes begin boarding but are soon caught by Bubba’s snitches. Sam turns the key to the golf cart as the snitches pelt it with rocks and spitballs from their slingshots.

MEATHEAD:

Hike! Hike!

SAM:

I know, Meat, I’ll fix the engine tomorrow!

Finally, the golf cart turns over and the heroes flee. The speed of the golf cart is too much for the snitches and they break off their attack.

EXT. PLAYGROUND, DAY

The Eon Hawk escapes the clutches of Bubba the Bully but encounters a group of weeping students. The students of Miss Smith’s class mummer things like, “My parents are going to kill me.” The heroes are confused by the sight.

SAM:

We’ll head for that jungle gym and regroup.

JONES:

That’s no jungle gym.

It is the Gold Star. A large piece of playground equipment meant to look like a jungle gym but more solid and mobile.

SAM:

I bet that’s where we’ll find the class president.

INT. GOLD STAR, DAY

Jake, Sam, Meathead, Rudy2Knight, and Cal Plotz III are able to save Class President Lacy from Detention thanks to Jones deactivating the security features. The group makes their way to the Eon Hawk. Meanwhile, Jones encounters Audio Victor. The two activate their foam rulers and begin their duel. Soon the duel leads them to where the Eon Hawk is parked and to the band of heroes.

AUDIO VICTOR:

You have no hope of defeating me, Old Man.

JONES:

If you flunk me, I will only rise smarter than you can imagine.

Jake moves to help Jones. Jones signals Jake not to interfere. Jones is slapped on the wrists with the ruler.

JAKE:

NOOO! JONES!

Sam and Meathead pull Jake away.

EXT. PLAYGROUND, DAY

After escaping the Gold Star, the heroes are chased by a squad of food fighters. To escape they have no choice but to cross the blacktop where a game of dodgeball is underway.

CAL:

The odds of successfully maneuvering a dodgeball field are one in a million.

SAM:

Never tell me the odds, dweeb. Punch it, Meat!

INT. ROOM 1C, THE CLASS DISRUPTORS’ BASE, DAY

The heroes meet up with the Class Disruptors. Thanks to the rest of the text message on Rudy2Knight’s phone, the Disruptors are able to learn of a weakness in the Gold Star.

DISRUPTOR LEADER:

A single gumball missile into the vent system will destroy the super-weapon.

SAM:

That’s a suicide mission. The vent opening is too small for someone to hit.

The heroes prepare their assault. They prep their slingshot mop buckets, their Segways, scooters, and skateboards. They arm themselves with gumball missiles, slingshot rubber bands, and spitballs. Moments later, the Disruptors learn that the Administration discovered Lacy’s lie about the base’s location and tracked the Eon Hawk to Room 1C. The Gold Star was almost visible from the classroom windows.

EXT. GOLD STAR, DAY

The battle is tougher than expected. Anyone who tries to fire on the vents fails or is nailed with detention slips. Only Jake is left without marks on his permanent record. It pays to be a teacher. Jake makes his run on the Gold Star vent.

JONES (ghostly VO via a video message):

Use the chalk, Jake.

DISRUPTOR PILOT:

Is something wrong, Jake? You’ve turned off the targeting app on your smartphone.

Jake uses a slingshot to launch a piece of chalk into the Gold Star’s ventilation system. The chalk breaks apart sending a cloud of dust throughout the Gold Star. The Halltroopers and Teacher’s Pets choke on the dust. One Halltrooper stumbles and accidentally presses the self-destruct button. The Gold Star is destroyed in a burst of confetti and whipped cream.

INT. MIKE’S MALT SHOP, NIGHT

The Class Disruptors celebrate their victory. It is ice cream, malts, and banana splits all around.

END.

Whew, that was a long one. Hope you enjoyed it.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!


My books are for sale at many online retailers. Or you can help support me by buying me a metaphorical coffee at Ko-fi.

The Bookworm Pills

Not terribly long ago, The Bookish Elf posted a picture on Instagram called The Bookworm Pills. It asked the audience to choose any two of the pills, such as the amnesia pill which allows you to re-read a book as if it was the first time you read it.

My first instinct was to go with the travel and body pills. These allow you to visit any fictional world and to change bodies with any fictional character. I then realized why would I need to travel to that fictional world if I’d changed bodies with the fictional character? Wouldn’t I already be in that world?

I also started wondering how long do the pills last? Is it forever or just 24 hours? If it’s 24 hours then the amnesia pill is useless. I don’t want to be reading a book and then a couple chapters in go, “Oh yeah, it was the butler.” (Though there are some books I would like to forget reading.)

And the travel pill would be pointless in some cases. A lot of people wanted to travel to Hogworts. But, the pill doesn’t make you a wizard; you’d be a Muggle and they wouldn’t let you in.

Another popular choice seemed to be the life pill, which can bring a fictional character into the real world. The thing is it doesn’t make the person (or whatever) like you. If you could summon say Gandalf, would he even hang out with you? And how many times have we seen shows where the main character encounters someone from another time or dimension? They spend all their time trying to keep the guest under control as they run around going, “What’s that?” and getting into trouble.

The last popular pill was the love pill; this pill makes a fictional character fall in love with you. Well, this is pretty useless unless you use the travel, life, or body pill. So, if you pick love pill, your next choice is pretty much chosen for you. And why would you pick the love pill if you could just pick the body pill and swap bodies with their love interest. For example, why pick the love pill in order to make Bella from Twilight fall in love with you when you can just use the body pill and become Edward? You’d have the girl, travel to the fictional world (and be accepted), and be the character. You’d also have one more pill to choose.

After some thought, I began to see that the sacrifice pill might be the best for one of the choices. What story doesn’t have some character (usually a side character) that you grow to care about only to have them killed at some point? Unfortunately, you can only use it once, or can you?

Source: The Bookish Elf

First, the picture shows the pills in groups of four. Does that mean you get four of the pill type you choose? For instance, you get four sacrifice pills and four love pills. Or is it just two, as in one sacrifice and one love pill? It’s probably the latter. However, that got me thinking. Why not do like in the Limitless movie and just get more made.

The directions say “take.” That can mean ingest or choose it and hold on to it. There is also no time limit in the rules; it doesn’t say you have to take it immediately. Why not use the body pill and switch with a character that lives in a world where strange science is normal?

I thought I could swap bodies with a comic book character, like Superman. In that world, they have all sorts of strange inventions and science. STAR Labs could maybe replicate another pill and make more. I could have the sacrifice pill replicated many times over and bring back Batman’s parents or Flash’s mom or more. Mwa-hahahaha!! Oh, wait, then I’d probably cause some Crisis event because all the dead were returning!! And then everything would be rebooted.

Hmmm…

Wait. It says “take two.” Doesn’t say it can’t be two of the same. So, I go to a fictional world, via the body pill, where they can recreate the pills and then I could just travel to other fictional worlds by changing bodies.

Wonder how I’d get back to the real world though?

Which two pills would you take? Let me know in the comments below.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.


Join in the adventure as Joe and company deal with everything from waking up in the morning to stopping an alien invasion in the Christmas themed eBook Gift of the Minion. Releases Dec. 3. Preorder for $0.99, regular price $2.99.

TMNT Throwback Thursday

I was listening to some music from Spotify while exercising and it began playing the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song. It reminded me how when I was younger I thought they said, “When the evil Shredder of Tex,” instead of “When the evil Shredder attacks.” For a long time I wondered why the Ninja Turtles had such a problem with Texans.

This was almost as bad as when I thought the underworld door in The Real Ghostbusters animated series was saying, “Do not open until Tuesday,” instead of “Do not open until Doomsday.” I was terrified of Tuesdays for a long time.

Ah, youth, so many fond memories.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.


Click to purchase ebook

Salesman | Dogboy Reborn Side Quests

The villainous Glue laughed wildly within his hidden lair. “Ah-hahahah!! That fool Dogboy has taken the bait!” Glue twisted and squeezed his hands in excitement. “Soon he’ll be in my clutches. Now, what deathtrap should I use?”

Glue gazed over his wide collection of deadly machines. There was the giant mousetrap. There was the classic tank of sharks. “Maybe the Spinning Blades of Doom!” said Glue.

Bzzzzt!…Bzzztt!

“Oh, now what?” huffed the villain.

Glue stormed through his lair as the doorbell continued to buzz. Glue grumbled, “I’m coming. I’m coming.” He passed by gold statues of himself and walked under the 15 foot portraits of himself. He kidnapped the famous artist, Art with Sam, in order to commission them.

Glue flung the door open. “WHAT?!”

“Good evening, malicious sir,” said the man wearing a tweed overcoat and brimmed hat, which he tipped in greeting. “My name is Salesman. I am a lair-to-lair salesperson for the Omega Institute. Would you be interested in–”

“NO!”

SLAM!!

Glue followed his door slam with a door lock. He grumbled some more then turned. “GAH!” he yelped with a jump that made it look like he’d just seen a spider in his shower.

Salesman tipped his hat again.

“How’d you get in?” asked Glue.

The man held up a small black circle. “With the handy-dandy Portable Hole. You just stick this little beaut on any surface and voilà instant hole.” The man sat down his sale’s bag. With a click of the lock, he opened it and began riffling through it. “I’ve got boxing gloves on springs, acid spraying squirt flowers, gasses of all varieties; and of course, the ever popular freeze ray,” the man said, pulling the items out one by one.

Glue folded his arms. “Not interested.”

Salesman would not be deterred–his commission rested on getting a sale. “For the more modernist villain: I have swords that can slice an atom. I have bombs with misleading timers. I’ve got drones, spy cameras, and backdoor codes to various government databases.”

Glue let out an annoyed and warning sigh. Salesman either ignored him or didn’t hear him. Instead, he put a hand on Glue’s shoulder. “But, I can tell you are a…” He surveyed Glue’s black and orange containment suit. He could hear the sloshing of glue within. Without the suit, Glue would be a large glob of dried glue. “…uh, man of tradition. I’ve got cartoon bombs and sticks of dynamite…two for one.”

Glue groaned.

“How about some exploding pies?”

“What flavor?”

“Coconut creme.”

“Ew-yuck! I hate coconut creme. How about an ejector trap made to look like floor tiles?”

Salesman lifted his hat enough to scratch his head. He glanced down at his sale’s bag. “Gee, I don’t think so.”

Glue grunted a quick, dry laugh. “I do.” He tapped a button on his wrist computer panel.

SPOING!!

The spring loaded ejection title under Salesman launched him into the air and out through the hole in the roof–Glue had opened the roof; he didn’t want to clean up the mess.

“You’ll regret thiiiiiisss…” said the trailing voice of Salesman.

Glue closed the roof hatch then clasped his hands together. “Now…where was I?”


If you’d like more adventures starring Dogboy, check out the Joe Rover eBooks–available at many online retailers.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!


Copyright © 2019 Joe Rover

Dogboy and related characters Copyright © 2016-Present by Joe Rover

All rights reserved. No part of this post may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission of the author/publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews or as a repost/share with link to the original post.

All characters, organizations, and locations in this post have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation to anyone bearing the same name or names. Any resemblance to individuals known or unknown to the author are purely coincidental.

All rights reserved.

Coding Hero | Dogboy Reborn Side Quest

Thanks to Brain’s contacts, he was able to get me a freelance job as a coder/tester for the Ultra Gaming Network. They were having trouble with their latest update.

“Please don’t ruin this with your usual hijinks,” Brain said.

“What hijinks?” I asked.

Brain crossed his arms. “What about two weeks ago when you destroyed a third of the Pineapple Inc. office building when you were helping them perfect their virtual theater software?”

“In my defense, Terabyte was trying to use the system to drain the minds of every person who watched the new Jason Chain movie.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Pfft. I gave up trying to figure out his motives a long time ago.” I stroked my chin for a moment. “However, the movie has been trending since the attack…”

***

The job was pretty slow going. There was a lot of code to sift through. No one could figure out why the game kept freezing anytime someone bought a bonus chest. Needless to say, Ultra Gaming Network was getting tired of irritated customers calling all day.

I removed my glasses and pinched my nose. My eyes were starting to feel like they were on fire.

Tick-tock, went the clock. Tick-tock.

Swipe, swipe, boop. Someone was sliding code blocks around either moving them to a separate area for testing or deleting them.

Tap, tap. Click, click. Tap, tap. Click, click. Another worker was busy adding new code blocks and setting up variables. A nearby phone went ba-ring!

Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Ba-ring. Ba-ring. Swipe, swipe, boop. Tick-tock. Tap, tap, click, click. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Swipe, swipe, boop. Clack. Click. Clack, clack, click. Ba-ring. Ba-ring.

I started nodding my head to the various office noises.

Ba-ring. Tick-tock. Yawn. Scratch-scratch. Ba-ring. Ba-ring. Swipe, swipe, boop.

First, I started to hum along; then, I started to sing along:

Bytes and bits are in my head.

I need a doctor, put me to bed.

Pixels invade my waking space.

Get out! Get out of my face.

I don’t wanna be a one or zero. 

I don’t need to be a coding hero.

Slowly everyone turned towards me. One by one they started to bob their heads to the music.

Nodes and macros how do ya keep it straight?

Add a semicolon to keep it all right.

Push and pull make my eyes droop.

These functions got me in a loop.

One worker stood. The place went quiet for a moment. She then sang out:

I don’t wanna be a one or zero. 

I don’t need to be a coding hero.

Another quick round of silence reverberated through the office before a group joined in with a slow, almost operatic:

Fighting bugs is quite a drain.

If we see one more X then we’ll go insane.

Finally, all the workers sang out:

We don’t wanna be a one or zero. 

We don’t need to be a coding hero.

Everyone then moved into a line and began to slide, clap, and shrug their shoulders as I continued:

Our eyes are dry; our fingers crack.

This pain in our neck won’t go away.

Binomials on the attack.

And bugs hold their sway.

We’re simply out of luck!

Everyone:

We don’t wanna be a one or zero. 

We don’t need to be a coding hero.

Me:

Blink your eyes and it’s all gone.

You’re obsolete, you’re time is done.

All that training is over now.

Someone added blocks, oh wow!

Best catch up or be left in dust;

Is this C Plus or just some rust?

Everyone:

We don’t wanna be a one or zero. 

We don’t need to be a coding hero.

Out of nowhere a voice rang out, “ENOUGH!” We stopped with our arms still in the air. It seemed as if even the clock stopped. The boss glared us down. “How dare you?!” she said tapping her foot. She faced each of us, her eyes piecing and fierce. “How dare you do a musical number and not be recording it for MyVideo? Now, let’s do this right, people!”

Everyone–once the recording equipment was set up–sang in a cheerful, end-of-musical-tone:

We’re gonna do this right!

This game is out of sight!

Even though it causes strife,

Coding is our birth, our life.

We don’t need to be a one or zero.

Because we’re all a coding hero.


Alone (eBook only) is on sale for $0.99 until Sept. 3, 2019. Buy now and join in the urban fantasy adventure.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!


Copyright © 2019 Joe Rover

Dogboy and related characters Copyright © 2016-Present by Joe Rover

All rights reserved. No part of this post may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission of the author/publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews or as a repost/share with link to the original post.

All characters, organizations, and locations in this post have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation to anyone bearing the same name or names. Any resemblance to individuals known or unknown to the author are purely coincidental.

Fort 51 | Wizard of New Town Side Quest

This Area 51 raid trend offers so many ideas.

Max stared deeply into the clothing store window display. He debated on if he should use the magic dust on a new outfit or not. His current clothes, his soccer jersey from the present, was starting to…well, smell. He’d worn it ever since he’d been transported from the modern age to this magical Dark Ages. 

Maybe I’ll fit in more, he thought.  The I’m-a-wizard-so-I-can-dress-funny excuse won’t hold forever. He glanced over at Aleya, who was busy bartering for some food. She brushed away some of her long, black hair revealing her pointed elf ears.  Women don’t like a man who smells like rotting fish.

Suddenly, Ryan slapped Max on the back. “I got us a lead on a bounty. Two hundred pounds of magic dust to capture Rickets Ron.”

“How’d he get that name?”

“You don’t want to know.”

Aleya returned from her food bartering mission. She reached over with her soft, lightly tanned hands to offer Max what looked like a piece of watermelon when a young man in page’s clothing interrupted by pulling out a scroll. 

“Hear ye, hear ye!” he shouted. “The lord, MadSkillz, has grown tired of the elves keeping secrets within Fort 51. Anyone wishing to join him on his mission to raid Fort 51 and see ‘them scientists’ need to meet him at Sa’ry in three weeks. And please, message fairy him an RSVP.”

Someone from the crowd laughed. “Ha! Scientists? Everyone knows scientists don’t exist!”

Another person chimed in, “And I don’t feel like getting tarred and feathered by the elf knights who protect the place.”

The crowed began to break up, muttering and scoffing as they did. Max started to leave but stopped when he saw that Ryan and Aleya hadn’t moved.

“What do you think they keep at Fort 51?” Ryan asked the elf princess. If anyone knew, you’d think it’d be her. “I’ve heard that’s where they keep the strange stuff.”

“Strange stuff?” said Max. “We just stopped a dirt path from swallowing a traveler because he threw a piece of trash on the ground. Talk about road rage.”

Ryan shrugged. “OK. The stranger stuff.”

“I hear that they keep a creature that’ll wash clothes in exchange for small discs of metal,” said Aleya. 

Max and Ryan glanced at each other then back at Aleya. “You mean a washing machine?” said Ryan. Like Max, Ryan came from the modern world, but he’d been transported months–maybe longer–before Max.

Aleya pondered what Ryan said for a moment. “Neve heard of a ‘washing machine,’ but I have heard rumors that Fort 51 has a knife that can slice open small metal food containers. It makes this buzzzz noise as it attacks.” 

“That would be a can opener,” said Ryan, trying to hide a smile. “It’s from our world as well.”

Aleya’s anime-like eyes sparkled. “The Old World had such wonderful things. I hope once we end the spell, I can see these can openers.”

Ryan tapped his finger near his freckles. “Maybe you can see one sooner. We could join the Fort Raiders.”

Max laughed dryly. “No. We have enough trouble as it is without angering the elf knights.”


Alone (eBook only) is on sale for $0.99 until Sept. 3, 2019. Buy now and join in the urban fantasy adventure.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!


Copyright © 2019 Joe Rover

The Wizard of New Town and related characters Copyright © 2016-Present by Joe Rover

All rights reserved. No part of this post may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission of the author/publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews or as a repost/share with link to the original post.

All characters, organizations, and locations in this post have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation to anyone bearing the same name or names. Any resemblance to individuals known or unknown to the author are purely coincidental.

Twitter Tale

*Cue spooky storytelling music*

A few days ago, I got on to Twitter to check my feed. One person I follow made jokes about the Area 51 Raid, like pretty much everyone is (including me), and I hit the like button on a couple of the posts.

About five minutes after doing this, Twitter locked my account. I then got the call for the activation code. The call went something like this, “Your activation code is: *static* 9 *static* 1 *static* 3.”

I hung up in order to try again. The same thing happened. I kept getting static but this time the call started adding letters; it said something like “Bravo *static* 9 *static* Linux…” I thought, “Since when did Twitter start doing letters?” The call then ended saying, “Call Failure.”

Since they said “Linux,” I thought it might be a tutorial on how to unlock your account if you use a Linux operating system. But…that still seemed odd.

I tried again and it just said, “Call Failure.” I went to another area because it must have been bad cell phone reception. One again, I got, “Your activation code is: 1 *static* 5 *static* Linux *static*” and then it went to call failure.

At this point, I jokingly thought, “What? Are the Area 51 aliens trying to contact me through Twitter? I guess  everyone does have a Twitter account now.”

Later that night, I saw a trailer for a movie about government stations that give out orders through numbers (the trailer called them “number stations”) and when the actress that played the operator spoke the numbers, it sounded similar to the calls I was getting. The voice on the activation call didn’t sound completely automated. It was like the actress in the trailer: live but trying to speak really clearly and almost robotic.

In all seriousness, it was probably bad cell reception or maybe “crossed wires.” Either way, a day later, I was able to get my account unlocked. I tried the call again and the activation code–with no letters–was just fine.

What about you. Do you think aliens (or possibly the government) were behind the calls or do you think that it was just bad cell reception? Have you ever gotten a Twitter activation code with letters? What do you think about the Area 51 Raid? Just a joke by someone in order to get likes or an attempt by Area 51 to dish out disinformation? Let me know in the comments section.

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Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.


Only a few more days left in the Smashwords July sale. My eBooks will be going off sale on July 31.