Pbbbt, I was going to talk about ItsAlexClark’s latest video about COPPA. He talks about how all he wants to do is entertain people but keeps getting roadblocks thanks to YouTube changing gears all the time.

I wanted to share it because I can relate. I just want to entertain too. I work for hours preparing and editing a video only to have zero views because of the algorithm, and now because of COPPA, I get no comments, no ads, and no listing in searches. Sure, I can take a chance and have the videos listed as “not for kids;” my target audience is teens and older because the stories deal with things like bullying, prejudice, and more. But, I said they were PG, not PG-13.

Anyway, I was also going to share how in the ItsAlexClark video, he talks about how Audible is doing a challenge. If you are a Amazon Audible member and you listen to three audiobooks before Mar. 3, you get a $20 Amazon gift card. I was then going to say something about using Clark’s sponsor/affiliate link in the description so that he can further receive support. If Amazon sees that (for the sake of argument) 300 used the link, they are more inclined to continue sponsoring him, which means more money so he can entertain the masses.

But…what’s the point. I get like zero views on YouTube videos. I’m lucky if I get a like on my blog posts. What’s the point of taking the time to research, craft, and edit these posts if no one sees them?

Recently, I’ve announced on social media about my next book coming out Mar. 24 and how if people are interested in doing a review, they can get the book early for free. It’s been about a week and…nothing. I didn’t expect a massive flood, but I thought there’d at least be one person interested in reading my book before everyone else.

I also considered sharing a GoFundMe link for a family member of mine because 2019 was rough (so was 2018). It really didn’t help any that I needed to have a root canal at the beginning of the year. Of course, it was the one tooth my insurance didn’t cover. I went to my church for help–one that my family has been playing into for generations upon generations (most of the time like hundreds of dollars a month per individual). After some feet dragging, complaining, and a message from my doctor threatening to send the bill to a collection agency, I got the help. This, of course, made me want to share SystemZee’s latest livestream because he talked about needing a root canal; he mentions how people can help support his channel so he can afford the procedure. It isn’t the root canal that’s painful; it’s the bill.

*I was going to link the actual video, but he doesn’t always archive his livestreams for some reason. Instead try his fiancée’s livestream on Mixer if you want (choose the Fighting the Dragon w/Patreons video)*

The feet dragging during the root canal was no big surprise. When I was a Boy Scout, we had camping trips. During the planning stage, the scouts would argue over which car I went in, not because they wanted me in the car, but because the thought of me being in the same building as them seemed to turn their stomachs. When it came time to talk about tent assignments, they had the person who didn’t show up for the meeting bunk with me. “That’ll teach him to miss a meeting,” the scouts would say.

If there was no one who missed the meeting, I got to sleep by myself. I usually got the area 20 yards away. One trip, even though my area was off from the others, somehow my sleeping bag got burn marks–the kind you see from purposeful burning.

School wasn’t much better. I got tripped, bottles thrown at me, hit with blocks of wood or thick cable wire or books. They would fart in my face. If I sat down on a bench, everyone would jump up with a scream and “fall down” as if my weight caused them to be catapulted into the air. And, of course, dodgeball was a joy. It wasn’t because everyone targeted me; no, it was because no one would target me. I could stand perfectly still and no one would came after me. Even if I was the last person standing, they would refuse to target me. Eventually, I would just say, “Oh, darn, I’m on,” and walk away.

You’re probably thinking, “Why not tell a teacher or leader?” I did. They told me to stop lying. Or they told me “no one likes a tattletale.” One time they said I needed professional help to cure my “imagination.” The adults would say, “They would never do that. They’re good people.” Even if it was done right in front of them, they would still side with the bullies over me.

Recently, Jazza did a video showcasing another YouTuber called Haddy the Creator. In it, Haddy drew Pokèmon as monsters. Thanks to Jazza’s video, Haddy’s channel went from about 500 subscribers to 7,000 like overnight. The problem is how many will actually stay? I have 1.3k followers on Twitter, but I rarely get anything over a like. Sometimes I get some retweets. It doesn’t feel good when you have a large number of subs or followers and yet no one answers your polls or comments or watches your videos.

A few years ago, at church, people started being nice to me out of nowhere. They started inviting me to sit with them or join their group. I thought, “Finally! I must have broken through the imaginary wall!” It felt good to be appreciated and welcomed. But, then I found out that there was some kind of project going around. People were assigned to focus those the council decided weren’t active enough. At first, I thought this might be coincidence. That changed when the month ended and new assignments were giving. Immediately, they all went back to ignoring me and treating me like I had a disease.

So, I hope the people who followed Haddy actually like his stuff and did not subscribe just because some “famous” person suggested it. I have to agree with NoahElowyn’s post about telling someone their cover (writing, drawing, song, etc) is good when it really isn’t. You can be supportive and say it has potential, but also let them know what isn’t good about it so that they can improve. You shouldn’t say like my art teacher back in third grade that it sucks and I can do anything right. You give the person constructive criticism. “I liked X, but Y could be better, but I also liked Z.” For every negative thing, you need to tell two positives. Not telling someone the bad stuff hurts them more than helps. The person thinks they’re doing great when they really aren’t and then they get upset because they have 1.3k followers but no one looks at their stuff!!

I was planning on doing a drawing of the video game character Kirby becoming a monster and then showing it off while saying I got the inspiration for it from Haddy the Creator. I wanted to share his video. His monster Pokèmon was well detailed and ugly but his normal Pokèmon were a little rushed. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t think his art is bad. If he continues and gets support, it’ll just get better.

So, I wanted to share what I thought was a good drawing, but I feel like what is the point. No one seems to look at my Instagram account. Now and then I get some likes but it just feels like they’re doing it just to be like “oh, it’s good” but it really isn’t. No one comments. I take the time to comment when I can on their stuff. What’s the problem?

And that brings up another issue. Everyone sure loved having me around when it benefited them, but I ask for help and they take off. I got a phone call one day from a church leader. They said they missed me at church. I was like, “Wow, really? Thanks.” Maybe they do care. He then said, “Yeah, we need you for our statistics.” Needless to say, I didn’t feel like going to church the next few weeks. They freak out when one of the “chosen ones” miss an hour but I miss six months and they can’t even say, “hi.”

It’s been stressful lately.