The Secret Origins of La-Zar | Writing Warm-Up

The origins of La-Zar, an alien ninja marksmen and member of the International League of Super-Transbeings. La-Zar’s costume completely covers their body, so it is impossible to tell if they are male, female, or something else. The ILOST members use male and female pronouns trying to get a reaction out of La-Zar; it never works, so they call La-Zar male or female interchangeably.


La-Zar was trained to be a bounty hunter ninja by the Whispering Monks on Mount Silence on Planet Bob. Technically since it was on Planet Bob, the monks were called the Bobbing Bobs who resided on Bob Bob, but that name annoyed everyone else in the galaxy, so they were called the Whispering Monks of Mount Silence because they hadn’t spoken a word in over 2,000 years. Not that anyone cared because if they did speak it’d only be “Bob,” or maybe an occasional, “Bobby.”

The bobs (people) of Planet Bob were born with three eyes, but the third eye remained closed. Only through mediation and adherence to the commandments of their god, Jeff (go figure), would the eye open. Once accomplished, the bob reached their full potential.

According to their religion’s origin, one day a bob was able to say the word “Jeff.” The other bobs took it as a sign and decided “Jeff” was a sacred word spoken only by the chosen ones of Jeff.

The Whispering Monk ninjas teach their acolytes not to speak because if they did then everyone would know they came from Planet Bob which defeated the purpose of being a secretive ninja.

Hmm, maybe that’s why La-Zar never speaks. Maybe he/she is really a Bobby. Though some believe La-Zar came from the planet Australia. The rumor is that a gang of kola bears killed his/her parents. She/he wandered the desert plains until the kangaroo pirates found her/him. He/she joined the pirates until he/she learned of the Whispering Monks. La-Zar believed the Monks could teach him/her how to get revenge on the kolas that killed his/her parents.

After graduating, La-Zar received her/his first assignment. He was to kill Baron Hawk. The assignment and pay came from the ruling class of the planet Crunch.

La-Zar tracked her prey to Earth where she learned that Baron Hawk was an ILOST alpha. The rulers of Crunch wanted him dead because he inspired the 99 percent to revolt against the one percent. The rulers were losing the civil war and wanted vengeance while they still had the resources to do so.

La-Zar was unable to complete the mission. This resulted in La-Zar being exiled form the Whispering Monks. Fortunately, Baron Hawk knew of La-Zar’s existence and saw his potential. He offered him a place among the International League of Super-Transbeings heroes.

Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.

Until next time…thanks for reading.


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Dino Mall | Behind the Scenes

I had a silly and crazy dream. It starred this couple who were close to divorce. They accidently uncovered that their local mall has cloned extinct animals, such as dinosaurs, so they can operate the mall. The extinct animals make the food and maintain the building, among other chores.

Over time the couple learns that the owners, also a husband and wife duo, have cloned some cavemen/cavewomen to run things like the stores and food court thus kicking out the ones who used to work at the mall. They also replaced the mall cops with their own tougher security guards.

The dream ended with an epic battle between modern animals, like tigers and elephants, versus the extinct animals, like saber-tooth tigers and wooly mammoths. There are also teens in food vendor and department store uniforms battling the cave-workers. The mall cops were also there battling the security guards. The hero husband and wife took on the mall owners.

I woke up about the time the two forces collided.

“What on Earth did I eat before bed to get that dream?” I thought. I think it came from a mixture of watching the “The Golden Years” episode of The Commish on IMBd TV and the Jurassic Park dub video by How It Should Have Ended.

However, that being said, I am working on refining the dream into an upcoming story.

Who do you think would win in a fight between a tiger and a saber-tooth tiger? Let me know in the comments section.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.


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Hostage Night | Story Sample

The following is a sample from my current work in progress. It is unfinished so the final product may look different.

A 4,112 word short story about a date night gone wrong. Joe and Sally go to the movies but the theater is soon under siege.


“Oh wow!” said someone nearby. “You guys are seeing Dragon Reign?! That movie was great! I really liked the part when…” A holographic gag appeared over his mouth with the word “Spoilers” written across it. Even though he continued to speak, we couldn’t hear him.

Sally glanced over at me while the man waved his arms in excitement. “I love the new spoiler warning feature added during the latest Omni-Cuff update.”

Finally, the spoilers gag disappeared. “I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.” The man waved then faded into the crowd.

Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.


Who wouldn’t want a spoilers gag feature added to their mobile device?

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.


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Soul Evidence

The following was retrieved from archived news reports.

On Sept. 17 [REDACTED], shortly after the Dark Matter Victory (or DMV), Dr. Irma Kidding was the first scientist to successfully prove the existence of a soul. 

Akin to studying black holes, Kidding studied the effects a soul had on the world around it. Her research was verified through many repeat experiments done by various scientists. Soon after, the soul became a scientific fact. 

Three months later, her then assistant, Dr. Ivan Thunderclap, announced that the soul is the most powerful and abundant fuel source in existence.

Thunderclap later announced plans to create a machine that would harvest the afterlife for soul energy. 

“We’ve been looking for alternative fuel sources for generations. Now we have a never-ending one…everything dies,” stated Thunderclap.

When asked about the harm or moral implications harvesting the afterlife could cause, Thunderclap reported, “What do I care? The living needs this [power] more than the spirits. They’re dead after all. The dead have been taking up space in Paradise for far too long. Finally, they can be a use to us.”

Sadly three days after his announcement, Thunderclap’s laboratory was reportedly struck by lightning. He and all his research were destroyed in the blaze. Miraculously, the neighboring offices were left unharmed.

After Thunderclap’s demise, the scientific community decided that further research into souls would be banned. When asked the reason behind such a decision Dr. Harry Ion, chairman for the International Association of Scientists, stated, “We’re scientists, not idiots. We can take a hint…eventually.”

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.

This post was a work of fiction.


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