Click.
“Sir, this is Jack Frost, we have a situation. Carolers have taken over Plaza Pointe.”
“What are their demands?” the chief asked via the walkie-talkie.
“Figgy pudding, Sir, a lot of figgy pudding.”
We’ll return to Play Hard after these messages.
Click.
We now return you to Frosty, The Axe Man.
The kids were told not to play on the ancient burial ground, but they didn’t listen. They built a snowman and…
There must have been a curse upon that old hatchet they found.
For when they tied it to his branch, he begun to chase them down.
Oh! Frosty, the Axe Man, was a murderous soul they say.
With a bloody axe and gleeful grin, he’d cut you down to size.
Click.
“Where is OtherTime?” asked the girl.
Kevin Kronos pointed out the open window. “Fourth star on the left of Orion’s Belt and straight on till yesterday.”
“But how do we get there?”
“Faster than light travel, of course.”
“Huh?”
“Just obsess over a regret.”
“Any regret?” said the girl’s brother. “Like losing the big game?”
“Or yelling at a friend?” said the girl.
“That,” said Kevin, “and some tachyon particles.”
Click.
Once again it is time for that timeless holiday classic How The Grump Stole Everything.
Everyone in The City loved the winter fest, but The Grump did not. After years of bullying, mind games, and not being invited to join in the festivities, The Grump decided to steal the festival.
Late at night, The Grump sneaked into everyone’s homes. He not only stole their decorations, food, and presents, he stole their TVs and money and computer tablets.
Once done with his dastardly trick, he took the stuff to the dump to incinerate it. As he reached the dump, dawn started to break. He paused to enjoy their woeful cries. Instead, he heard the sounds of joy and of cheer. It was then The Grump learned the true meaning of the winter festival.
He quickly returned to The City. He confessed to the crime and explained his reasoning. The Citizens thanked him then locked him away—he’d broken the law after all.
To this day as The Citizens sing and shop, you can hear The Grump weep and wail from his jail cell.
The end.
Click.
A Dalmatian barked and howled and pointed over the edge of the catwalk.
“What is it, Rexxie?” said the power plant worker. “Did Sammy fall down the reactor well again.”
The Dalmatian snorted out a nod.
The worker got on his walkie-talkie. “We gotta shut down the plant. Sammy fell into the reactor well again.”
A voice come over the radio. “At least, we can plug him in once we find him.”
Click.
Once upon a time at the North Pole, there lived a reindeer with a very red nose.
Rudolph was teased endlessly by the other reindeer for his shiny, red nose. However one day, the laughter stopped as they realized his red nose was a symptom of a new strain of reindeer flu. Soon the disease spread across the North Pole, and by Christmas everyone had stuffy red noses.
Thanks to Rudolph, Santa was unable to make his rounds. He had to order and ship everything through a little known online shop. Thousands of packages were delivered by drone to all the children of the world. When everyone saw how much more efficient drones were, everyone started shopping at MasterMart. Rudolph’s red nose kept the business in the black that year. In fact, the company was able to grow and expand.
Rudolph saved Christmas and the global economy. He paved the way for a much more commercial and material Christmas. You really will go down in history, Rudolph.
This has been Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Plague Carrier, a MasterMart production.
Click.
I turned off the holo-screen. I sighed. “Why is there never anything good on during Christmas time?”
Joe Rover 