Sky Hog

A couple days ago, Buddy (aka Copycat) told me how he ran into some trouble when he was out for a flight over the city. He was enjoying the feel of the air and listening to the soft wiping of his black cape as it moved through the air. For a few moments he could forget all his troubles.

And then something speed by him nearly knocking into him. He hit a pocket of turbulence as he tried to right himself. Finally, he regained his footing as it were. 

“Sky hog!” he shouted at the offender.

The offender slowed and faced Copycat. It was a pig with wings. Copycat gasped in surprise before it snorted a piggy grunt and flew off towards the skyscrapers.

Once Buddy finished his tale, I rested my hand on his shoulder in a show of support. “Yeah…Those atmos pigs think they’re so grand just because they’ve got an adynaton. But, it’s Heck’s Oinkers you’ve really got to watch out for.” 

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.


Good news! The Smashwords Authors Give Back Sale has been extended to May 31! 

You have another chance to buy The Beast of Camp TimberWolf, Gift of the Minion, and now Who Pranked JR for 60% off!

The Idea | Chronicles Short (St. Patrick’s Day Post)

Accessing BLT Head in the Cloud 

Please enter password

*****************

Welcome, Joe Rover. Which memory would you like to download from our cloud network?

Downloading…

One St. Patrick’s Day, after a long night of orange juice, smooth jazz, and a game or two of Chess AR, Brain jolted awake from his crash landing on the Doghouse couch. 

“I’ve got it!” he exclaimed.

“Got what?” I asked, trying to rub away the brain freeze I received from drinking my St. Patty’s Day mint milkshake too quickly. 

“My next brilliant invention! I can inject our food and drink with nanobots. These nanobots could alter or absorb the unused material created from digestion. We would then remove the nanobots through perspiration or exhaling. No one would ever have to go the bathroom again!”

End of file

Thank you for choosing Head in the Cloud for all your memory saving needs.

Do you have too many memories and not enough space? Consider upgrading to our $9.99 a month plan…

I closed the holographic web browser with a mental command to my Omni-Cuff. I tapped my chin in thought. Now, why did I upload that memory into the cloud?

“JOE!”

I flipped around, startled by Brain’s voice. My Omn-Cuff headset nearly fell off from around my ear.

Brain crossed his arms and tapped his foot at me. The last time I’d seen him this angry was when I hacked into the training simulator and swapped the level 10 setting with the level 1 setting. “I thought we agreed to never access that memory again.”

I snapped my fingers. “That’s right. Now, I remember. The next day we all uploaded the memory into the cloud bank because we all agreed that was the silliest idea you ever came up with. I’m glad you decided to go with the blankets that could sing lullabies idea instead.”

Brain tapped his foot again and screwed his lip into an unhappy snarl. “Where did you get the idea to down…Never mind. I know. DANNY!”

Danny poked his head around the corner. “Be right with you; I got to share this memory file on PostBook first.”

“Daniel Smith, don’t you dare!” Uh-oh, Brain’s using contractions; he must be irked. Brain stormed after Danny. “Give me that Omni-Cuff right now!”

Danny was already at the door; he stood half in and half out. “You’ll have to catch me first,” he said in a sing-song voice before shutting the door behind him. A moment later, I could see his retreating form from the window.

Brain continued to yell after him as he exited with a door slam. I moved to the couch and flipped on the holo-vision set. “I’ll give it till they make the news before I interfere.”

Until the next wormhole…

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY EVERYONE!


Copyright Joe Rover 2020. All rights reserved.

Mysterious Space Signals

The following is inspired by a news article about signals from space that return every 16 days. You can read the article here.

Brain yelped a cheer interrupting my nap. 

Ever since the news story about strange signals from space every 16 days, Brian’s been at his equipment trying to decode the blips and static. It was interesting for about the first 15 hours. 

“I did it!” said Brain. He adjusted dials and knobs as I yawned and scratched my head. “In a matter of moments, we will discover the nature of these pulses.” Brain continued to adjust wavelengths and double-check readouts; I moved from Brain’s cot to the seat next to him. “Scientists are debating if the pulses are caused by an orbiting object blocking the source or if the source is orbiting an object. Another possibility is the source itself is pulsing.” 

The machine whined for a minute, which woke me up even further.

“Translation of cosmic pulses complete,” said SPOT, the artificial intelligence.

Brain and I fell into a deep hush. The machines beeped a couple times before the answer came.

“Eat at Joe’s,” said a friendly voice bouncing out of the speakers like a used car salesman who’d spotted a customer from across the lot. “Save 20 percent on your first online order. Offer expires 500 million years from broadcast date–Galactic year 2151.”

A hologram calendar appeared above my watch. “Drat!” I said. “It expired yesterday.”  

“Remember,” the ad continued, “if your order doesn’t arrive in 30 parsecs, it’s free.”

I sighed. “Why does everyone get that wrong? Parsecs are not a measurement of time!” I glanced over at Brain; he stared forward like a fish that’d just learned hooks are bad. “What’s wrong?”

“The greatest scientific mystery of our age…and it is a commercial.” He covered his face with a hand. “Why is the universe such a cruel mistress?”

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!

Copyright 2020 Joe Rover. All rights reserved.


Inspiration #3

The following is a collection of story ideas I either don’t have time for or have lost interest in. Feel free to use them for your own stories, but please mention something akin to “based on an idea by Joe Rover, joerover.com.” Feel free to mix and modify the ideas.

More and more police officers are being ambushed during what should be standard investigations. Traffic stops, domestic disturbances, noise complaints are no longer relatively safe. Detective Peters wants to know why. Is it just bad luck or is someone trying to remove the police before something much bigger happens?

A reporter covering a story about the decline in bee numbers finds themselves abducted. But he/she is not abducted by people but by bees. For some reason bees are abducting people and forcing them to gather honey. Why would the bees need help collecting honey? Rival insects? Disease? Mankind tampering with nature?

A popular eSports player wins the title of National Champ but is soon accused of cheating. He/she must prove their innocence in Video Game Court. His/her lawyer must gather evidence by solving real-life puzzle games, complete interviews by choosing the right questions from a list of available options, and chase down informants through platforming obstacle courses. Can the lawyer reach the goal or is it game over?

It’s summer vacation and Terry (or Terri) is out cliff diving with friends. It’s his/her turn. They dive perfectly but upon hitting the water, they come across a strange world where whatever they dream/imagine comes true. What does Terry/Terri create? Do they leave or stay? What is this world they’ve found? Is it real or are they actually in a coma or dream?

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading.


The Beast of Camp TimberWolf is now available for preorder. It releases Oct. 22, 2019. If you’re a fan of action, adventure, an science fiction-fantasy, buy the latest Dogboy Chronicles story now.

Salesman | Dogboy Reborn Side Quests

The villainous Glue laughed wildly within his hidden lair. “Ah-hahahah!! That fool Dogboy has taken the bait!” Glue twisted and squeezed his hands in excitement. “Soon he’ll be in my clutches. Now, what deathtrap should I use?”

Glue gazed over his wide collection of deadly machines. There was the giant mousetrap. There was the classic tank of sharks. “Maybe the Spinning Blades of Doom!” said Glue.

Bzzzzt!…Bzzztt!

“Oh, now what?” huffed the villain.

Glue stormed through his lair as the doorbell continued to buzz. Glue grumbled, “I’m coming. I’m coming.” He passed by gold statues of himself and walked under the 15 foot portraits of himself. He kidnapped the famous artist, Art with Sam, in order to commission them.

Glue flung the door open. “WHAT?!”

“Good evening, malicious sir,” said the man wearing a tweed overcoat and brimmed hat, which he tipped in greeting. “My name is Salesman. I am a lair-to-lair salesperson for the Omega Institute. Would you be interested in–”

“NO!”

SLAM!!

Glue followed his door slam with a door lock. He grumbled some more then turned. “GAH!” he yelped with a jump that made it look like he’d just seen a spider in his shower.

Salesman tipped his hat again.

“How’d you get in?” asked Glue.

The man held up a small black circle. “With the handy-dandy Portable Hole. You just stick this little beaut on any surface and voilà instant hole.” The man sat down his sale’s bag. With a click of the lock, he opened it and began riffling through it. “I’ve got boxing gloves on springs, acid spraying squirt flowers, gasses of all varieties; and of course, the ever popular freeze ray,” the man said, pulling the items out one by one.

Glue folded his arms. “Not interested.”

Salesman would not be deterred–his commission rested on getting a sale. “For the more modernist villain: I have swords that can slice an atom. I have bombs with misleading timers. I’ve got drones, spy cameras, and backdoor codes to various government databases.”

Glue let out an annoyed and warning sigh. Salesman either ignored him or didn’t hear him. Instead, he put a hand on Glue’s shoulder. “But, I can tell you are a…” He surveyed Glue’s black and orange containment suit. He could hear the sloshing of glue within. Without the suit, Glue would be a large glob of dried glue. “…uh, man of tradition. I’ve got cartoon bombs and sticks of dynamite…two for one.”

Glue groaned.

“How about some exploding pies?”

“What flavor?”

“Coconut creme.”

“Ew-yuck! I hate coconut creme. How about an ejector trap made to look like floor tiles?”

Salesman lifted his hat enough to scratch his head. He glanced down at his sale’s bag. “Gee, I don’t think so.”

Glue grunted a quick, dry laugh. “I do.” He tapped a button on his wrist computer panel.

SPOING!!

The spring loaded ejection title under Salesman launched him into the air and out through the hole in the roof–Glue had opened the roof; he didn’t want to clean up the mess.

“You’ll regret thiiiiiisss…” said the trailing voice of Salesman.

Glue closed the roof hatch then clasped his hands together. “Now…where was I?”


If you’d like more adventures starring Dogboy, check out the Joe Rover eBooks–available at many online retailers.

Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!


Copyright © 2019 Joe Rover

Dogboy and related characters Copyright © 2016-Present by Joe Rover

All rights reserved. No part of this post may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission of the author/publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews or as a repost/share with link to the original post.

All characters, organizations, and locations in this post have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation to anyone bearing the same name or names. Any resemblance to individuals known or unknown to the author are purely coincidental.

All rights reserved.

File X-001 | Dogboy Reborn Side Quests

Incoming Message

Kkktt!!

This is Captain Stone of the International League of Super-Transbeings. The date is May 16, 2003. We have just received the following message.

Series of text messages sent from Unknown on July 10, 2019

Unknown: It’s all a lie.

Unknown: Ten years ago extraterrestrial life invaded Earth. That part is true.

Unknown: It is also true that the battle was over in three days.

Unknown: But it wasn’t the aliens that were victorious. Earth won that day.

Unknown: The governments saw this as an opportunity. War, famine, crime, violence, hate, climate change, and terrorism were all on the rise.

Unknown: They saw a chance to change all that. The drones, the ships–those are controlled by the Earth Unity Federation pilots. The few aliens we see on patrol are really Earth Unity Federation military units.

Unknown: The EUF scavenged the technology left by the aliens. They pretended to be the aliens. They created the peace treaty in order to set up new restrictions and have the aliens as the scapegoats.

Unknown: The aliens haven’t been on the Earth since July 6, 2009. It’s all been a ruse to keep us in check.

Addendum: It is now July 10, 2009. The alien invaders did arrive as predicted by the message. We, however, were able to intercept them before reaching Earth.

The Citizens remain unaware of any supernatural presence.

Kkkktt!!


Thanks for reading! Joe Rover eBooks are available at many online retailers.

Copyright © 2019 Joe Rover

International League of Super-Transbeings, Dogboy, and related characters Copyright © 2016-Present by Joe Rover

All rights reserved. No part of this post may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission of the author/publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews or as a repost/share with link to the original post.

All characters, organizations, and locations in this post have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation to anyone bearing the same name or names. Any resemblance to individuals known or unknown to the author are purely coincidental.

All rights reserved.

Stakeout at the Docks | Ace Journeyman Side Quest

DING.

You’ve got a message from Glen.

Glen: What’cha doin’?

Ace: Stakeout with Watermark and Windmaker.

Glen: What kind of stakeout?

Ace: Someone’s illegally smuggling domesticated kaiju. They plan to use them in kaiju fights.

John Watermark: What part of “secret mission” did you not understand?

Ace: It’s just Glen.

John Watermark: I don’t care.

Ace: How’d you get into this conversation anyway?

John Watermark: That’s exactly my point. You never know who’s listening.

John Watermark: Or in this case texting.

John Watermark: How do we know that’s really Glen?

Ace: It says so right above the message bubble. Sent by Glen, March 19, 2012.

John Watermark: < : (

Ace: Wow, I didn’t know you knew how to do that!

John Watermark: I’m not *that* old.

Ace: How old are you?

John Watermark: Classified.

Glen: You should’ve let me come. I can help.

John Watermark: Sidekicks aren’t allowed on missions.

Glen: Sidekick??!!

Ace: Glen’s not my sidekick. He’s my friend!

Glen: Thanks!

John Watermark: By all means, that makes it better. Now I really should have brought him.

David Windmaker: Is this a private conversation or can anyone join?

David Windmaker: We have movement. I see three razorbacks, a bladebeak, five deathfoots, six screechers, and

David Windmaker: Is that a mousecat? What’s a cute kaiju like that doing here?

John Watermark: Probably breakfast.

Ace: WHAT??!

John Watermark: The “cute” kaijus end up as meals for the customers.

Glen: I think I’m going to be sick. You gotta do something!

John Watermark: What do you think we’re doing here!?

John Watermark: Now get off the line so we can get to work.

Glen: Who says “get off the line” anymore?

Ace: Old people…like John.

John Watermark: *sighs*


Hope you enjoyed this short tale. Consider leaving a like and sharing it with your friends.

Until July 31, 2019, many of my eBooks–like the Ace Journeyman book Alliance–will be on sale, only on Smashwords.

Thanks for reading! And until the next wormhole…bye!


Copyright © 2019 Joe Rover

Ace Journeyman and related characters Copyright © 2016-Present by Joe Rover

All rights reserved. No part of this post may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission of the author/publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews or as a repost/share with link to the original post.

All characters, organizations, and locations in this post have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation to anyone bearing the same name or names. Any resemblance to individuals known or unknown to the author are purely coincidental.

All rights reserved.

File 001 | The Detective Files (Review)

“Independence and Freedom-File 001” by Jeff C. Fuller is one of the many articles/short stories that can be found on The Detective Files website. In the story, the Declaration of Independence and Constitution are stolen.

The story is told in first-person: Detective Charles Early. He and his new partner, Emma Stevens, must recover the stolen Declaration of Independence and Constitution.

The story has a noir-like style. I could almost picture a rain-drenched city and a detective in a trench coat. I’m not sure if that was the author’s intention, but it is what came across to me. Whether intentional or not, the mood and feel continued throughout the story. It didn’t feel like one minute it was a detective story and the next it was a comedy.

One of the first things I liked about the story is that it ended. By the end, the items are recovered. The story is self-contained. I don’t feel like “now I have to read twenty more files to learn what happened.”

I noticed some editing mistakes. For example, at one point Emma says, “Don’t you thin sir?” Fuller might want to look back through and fix some of these errors.

The dialogue and structure of the story gave it an “always moving” feel. I wasn’t bored or wondered “how much longer till the action.” I also liked the idea of this organization that helps solve cases that are too difficult for regular authorities; it kind of added to the mysterious-noir vide of the story.

I also noticed that Fuller repeats words in some sentences or has redundant text. For instance, at the beginning it says, “The last security guard made one last round around the building when he turned and signaled to the other guard that all was well.” The next sentence has the guard saying that the building is clear and all the alarms are on. Fuller might want to choose between keeping the dialogue or the description.

At one point, Fuller uses the word “feel” many times in one sentence. “Chuck, I have a gut feeling and I am not sure why I am feeling this way but I do have a feeling that this was an inside job…” These issues can easily be solved by eliminating the repetitive word or changing it to another word.

What I found to be the best part of the story was the style. Throughout the story, it sounds as if Detective Early is speaking. The narration stays in character. The descriptions of people sound like how a detective would describe someone in a report. The whole story sounds like someone writing a police report. Fuller does an excellent job at making the story feel like it is a file/report but at the same time making it sound like a story. Fuller balances the two well.

“File 001” made me curious to read more files and even check out the main novel The Detective Files: Emma Stevens and the Lord of Crime, which is published by Page Publishing; it is available at retailers like Amazon and Barnes & Noble. 4/5


Thanks for reading! Consider liking, commenting, and sharing. And consider following so you’ll know when the wormhole spits out another update.

Until the next wormhole…bye!

Recommended #16

The following are my opinion and do not reflect the opinion of any organization or person.

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