Thanks to Brain’s contacts, he was able to get me a freelance job as a coder/tester for the Ultra Gaming Network. They were having trouble with their latest update.
“Please don’t ruin this with your usual hijinks,” Brain said.
“What hijinks?” I asked.
Brain crossed his arms. “What about two weeks ago when you destroyed a third of the Pineapple Inc. office building when you were helping them perfect their virtual theater software?”
“In my defense, Terabyte was trying to use the system to drain the minds of every person who watched the new Jason Chain movie.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Pfft. I gave up trying to figure out his motives a long time ago.” I stroked my chin for a moment. “However, the movie has been trending since the attack…”
***
The job was pretty slow going. There was a lot of code to sift through. No one could figure out why the game kept freezing anytime someone bought a bonus chest. Needless to say, Ultra Gaming Network was getting tired of irritated customers calling all day.
I removed my glasses and pinched my nose. My eyes were starting to feel like they were on fire.
Tick-tock, went the clock. Tick-tock.
Swipe, swipe, boop. Someone was sliding code blocks around either moving them to a separate area for testing or deleting them.
Tap, tap. Click, click. Tap, tap. Click, click. Another worker was busy adding new code blocks and setting up variables. A nearby phone went ba-ring!
Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Ba-ring. Ba-ring. Swipe, swipe, boop. Tick-tock. Tap, tap, click, click. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Swipe, swipe, boop. Clack. Click. Clack, clack, click. Ba-ring. Ba-ring.
I started nodding my head to the various office noises.
Ba-ring. Tick-tock. Yawn. Scratch-scratch. Ba-ring. Ba-ring. Swipe, swipe, boop.
First, I started to hum along; then, I started to sing along:
Bytes and bits are in my head.
I need a doctor, put me to bed.
Pixels invade my waking space.
Get out! Get out of my face.
I don’t wanna be a one or zero.
I don’t need to be a coding hero.
Slowly everyone turned towards me. One by one they started to bob their heads to the music.
Nodes and macros how do ya keep it straight?
Add a semicolon to keep it all right.
Push and pull make my eyes droop.
These functions got me in a loop.
One worker stood. The place went quiet for a moment. She then sang out:
I don’t wanna be a one or zero.
I don’t need to be a coding hero.
Another quick round of silence reverberated through the office before a group joined in with a slow, almost operatic:
Fighting bugs is quite a drain.
If we see one more X then we’ll go insane.
Finally, all the workers sang out:
We don’t wanna be a one or zero.
We don’t need to be a coding hero.
Everyone then moved into a line and began to slide, clap, and shrug their shoulders as I continued:
Our eyes are dry; our fingers crack.
This pain in our neck won’t go away.
Binomials on the attack.
And bugs hold their sway.
We’re simply out of luck!
Everyone:
We don’t wanna be a one or zero.
We don’t need to be a coding hero.
Me:
Blink your eyes and it’s all gone.
You’re obsolete, you’re time is done.
All that training is over now.
Someone added blocks, oh wow!
Best catch up or be left in dust;
Is this C Plus or just some rust?
Everyone:
We don’t wanna be a one or zero.
We don’t need to be a coding hero.
Out of nowhere a voice rang out, “ENOUGH!” We stopped with our arms still in the air. It seemed as if even the clock stopped. The boss glared us down. “How dare you?!” she said tapping her foot. She faced each of us, her eyes piecing and fierce. “How dare you do a musical number and not be recording it for MyVideo? Now, let’s do this right, people!”
Everyone–once the recording equipment was set up–sang in a cheerful, end-of-musical-tone:
We’re gonna do this right!
This game is out of sight!
Even though it causes strife,
Coding is our birth, our life.
We don’t need to be a one or zero.
Because we’re all a coding hero.
Alone (eBook only) is on sale for $0.99 until Sept. 3, 2019. Buy now and join in the urban fantasy adventure.
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!
Copyright © 2019 Joe Rover
Dogboy and related characters Copyright © 2016-Present by Joe Rover
All rights reserved. No part of this post may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission of the author/publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews or as a repost/share with link to the original post.
All characters, organizations, and locations in this post have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation to anyone bearing the same name or names. Any resemblance to individuals known or unknown to the author are purely coincidental.
Joe Rover 