Alas, it is time to go. I must journey to a far-off place to learn at the feet of the master of viral and meme content. Hopefully, I will return with the knowledge to make my content more engaging. The trip will be harrowing and fraught with danger…but at least it has Wi-Fi.
I’ve boarded the ship bound to Icon Island. The waves continually beat against the bow of our ship. The never-ending up and down of the ocean might stymie others, but my stomach is much more…
Excuse me a moment.
*sounds of vomiting*
With the waves calming, I journeyed above deck with the other passengers. They gathered above to breathe in the sea air and enjoy the sunshine. The ship was crowded with beings of all shapes and sizes; and like me, these passengers were on their own adventure.
I don’t know what horrors await us.
“Last call for tonight’s bingo session!” shouted one of the cruise workers.
Bingo was a bust. The little old lady from Pasadena won the pot. The lizard man from New York City seemed especially vexed.
Once again, the waves beat against our helpless ship.
“Ready the wave control torpedoes!” ordered the captain via the ship’s PA system.
Yes, it is dark times ahead. I see no hope insight.
“The captain,” announced a worker through the PA system, “would like to remind everyone that tonight’s all-you-can-eat buffet has been cancelled.”
I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.
The torpedoes used to control the waves and calm the sea failed. Now, a storm threatens the ship. The waters have groan more intense. Everything that isn’t nailed down flops and slides out of control. The winds howl and lightning fills the sky with aerial fire.
Why is the floor wet?
Somehow, we survived the storm and the trials of the sea. We finally reached Icon Island where the crew generously helped me disembark.
“And stay off, fleabag!” shouted the worker. “This is why we don’t allow Supers onboard! They’re a jinx!”
As I emptied my mouth of a mountain of sand, the cruise ship sped off as fast as it could.
I knew I shouldn’t have participated in this morning’s round of Mutant in Our Mist. Ricky Redd sussed me out immediately.
I checked in at the resort.
“I have a ten o’clock appointment with the Viral Master.”
The clerk nodded. “He is expecting you.”
“I should hope so. I have an appointment.”
I finally met with the Viral Master, a wise old man with white hair and beard. He dressed in blue jeans, a layered t-shirt, and sunglasses which hid his wrinkled eyes.
“In order to make viral posts and grow your online community, you must first hunt the animals of this land,” he said. “Return to me when you have three boar tusks, a chicken feather, and the wing of a bat.”
I groaned. “I hate fetch quests.”
“Why, young werewolf? You are so good at them.”
I spent most of my time trying to track down and capture the boars, chicken, and bat. It was not easy among the mud and seemingly ever-present rain. And the place looked so much more pleasant when I first arrived.
I returned to the Viral Master with the items and three layers of caked-on mud.
“Excellent work,” he said. “Although, I thought werewolves were better hunters.”
I growled. “Keep talking and you’ll be much more spiritual.” I sighed. “What was the purpose of this?”
“To become a viral hit, you must have the tenacity and ferocity of a boar, the power to overcome your fears, and the strength to fly though you’ll be called names by trolls and their kind.”
“And you couldn’t have just told me this?”
“It is better to learn things in your heart then to be told them. Plus, I needed you to do my shopping. Care for some bat-wing stew?”
“Eh, no thanks.”
“Then your training is complete. All the trials you have faced coming here have strengthened your resolve. You also have a story of you being a complete idiot. Ha! Coming all this way to train! What a silly idea!” The Master slapped me on the back. “Everyone loves a post where the person acts silly or stupid.”
I slapped my forehead. “So…how do I get back home? I got kicked off the ship.”
“That’s your problem, kiddo.”
Copyright Joe Rover 2021. All rights reserved.
Until the next wormhole…thanks for reading!