It seems like everyone and their Growlithe has a theory as to why Ash doesn’t age. I’ve heard everything from “Ash is in a coma” to “Team Rocket is in purgatory” to “Ash’s age is equal to his level.” So with the release of Detective Pickachu, I’m going to wander through the tall grass and catch myself a theory.

The reason Ash doesn’t age is similar to the theory that in the Pokèmon universe age is the same a level. The theory states that Ash is not 10 years old–in the way we think of age; he is level 10. So going from this theory (plus the one saying that humans are Pokèmon), the reason why Ash doesn’t age is because he hasn’t leveled up enough to evolve. We’ve seen how Pokèmon will evolve from babies to children to adults–with some having a middle/teenage evolution.

For example, Charmander could be the childhood version of Charizard with Charmeleon as the teenage version. (I guess some Pokèmon are lucky enough to not have to go through those awkward teenage years.)

So Ash looks ten because he’s in his childhood evolution. He could really be 18 in our years but only look ten. Pikachu has been with him for years and he (or is Pikachu a she) hasn’t “aged” either.

This theory makes sense because…let’s face it, Ash isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Maybe one day he’ll level up enough to evolve. I could just see that moment.

ASH has reached level 13. What’s this?! ASH is EVOLVING? *Pokèmon evolution music plays*

ASH has EVOLVED into TEENAGE ASH!

ASH has learned ANGST!

Wouldn’t that be cool if humans were like Pokèmon? If someone bullies us at school we could just go into a Pokèmon battle.

Enemy GARY uses PEER PRESSURE! It’s SUPER EFFECTIVE!

ASH uses YO MAMA JOKE!

Enemy GARY has fainted.

I could just see the equivalent of the evolution stones (like the moon stone or grass stone).

MOM uses COLLEGE DEGREE on ASH! ASH EVOVES into MIDDLE-AGE ASH!

Now, you’re probably thinking, “But then we’d all go around saying only our names,” but we’ve seen that Pokèmon understand each other. So…maybe we aren’t really speaking English or Spanish. Maybe to an outside species, like a dog or cat, we are just standing around saying our names in various ways. Maybe if aliens visited we’d just be standing around going, “Bob. Bob. Bobby. Rob.” “Sam. Sam-mantha. Sam Andrews.” (or just “Human. Hu. Human.”) To us dogs just go “bark” with different variations.

Kind of blows your mind, doesn’t it.

Hmm…maybe all we need to do to use THUNDERBOLT is to shout out our name. “P-eee-ttt-er Wil-BROOK!!!” Then again, who knows what Pikachu is shouting when he says, “Pi-ka-CHUUU!!” It could be “Thunderbolt!” or “I like chili dogs!”

What four Pokèmon powers/moves would you like? (Because they can remember four moves.)

Now I’m off to ponder why Ash talks about Pikachu being his best friend yet he hasn’t given him a nickname. Hmm, maybe Pikachu doesn’t want one. What would Pikachu’s name be? Ryan? Deadpool? (I smell a Detective Pickachu meme brewing.)

---

If you liked this content, please consider supporting me on Ko-fi at ko-fi.com/joerover.

Joe Rover eBooks are available at many online retailers, such as Barnes and Noble, Apple Books, Walmart eBooks, and more.